In reply to Post #2349
Absolute quality I've been reading some of your other jokes I'm actually crying your a legend COYS!!!

In the pub tonight and got involved in the quiz , the last question for us to win it was , name two things commonly found in cells .
Apparently It weren't scoucers and pikeys .
We came second

In reply to Post #2351

And we came 3rd for getting this one wrong > name 2
days of the week begining with the letter T
TODAY and TOMORROW was not right

I like my women how I like my advent calendar.

Against my wall, flaps open, ready to be eaten.

In reply to Post #2352
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School. One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters SNIPE into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered 'spine' are doctors today. The rest of us are posting and reading jokes on Carpforum😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Tel

In reply to Post #1
A drover from a huge cattle station in the Australian outback appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the drover offered.

"Once, on a trip to the back blocks of Broken Hill out in New South Wales I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a young sheila. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
Then I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the sh*t out of the lot of ya!"

St. Peter was very impressed, "When did this happen?"

"A couple of minutes ago.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Tel

In reply to Post #1
Warning - be careful if you decide to sign up for the new Tesco Dating service. I tried it and ended up with a Bag for Life!!!!!'
👀👀
Tel

In reply to Post #2356
My doctor told me that half a bottle of wine at night was bad for me.
I make sure I finish it now

Dad cooks a deer and doesn't tell the kids what it is.
He said I'll give you a clue , it's what your mother calls me .
The little boy shouts out , it's a ****ing dick , don't eat it

The teacher said.....well class I asked you to bring something into school that is associated with Christmas, Sarah! what did you bring? some tinsel miss, we put it on our tree this time of year, well done, James! what about you? I brought a Christmas pudding which we only eat at Christmas miss, very good James, teacher spots Billie with a plastic bag, bring out you item Billie, she opens the bag and takes out a G string, rather embarrassed she says....Billie what on earth have these got to do with Christmas? they're Carols miss

Little Joey's confession


Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl. The priest asks, Is

that you, little Joey Pagano? Yes, Father, it is. And who was the girl you were with?

I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation. Well, Joey, I'm sure to

find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti? I

cannot say. Was it Teresa Mazzarelli? I'll never tell. Was it Nina Capelli? I'm

sorry, but I cannot name her. Was it Cathy Piriano? My lips are sealed. Was it Rosa

DiAngelo, then? Please, Father! I cannot tell you. The priest sighs in frustration.

You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You

cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself. Joey walks back

to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, What'd you get? Four months

vacation and five good leads...

Great jokes ... you can share them with my friends at nodepositforum.com if you like, that

is where I found this one, Ill bring you some more later.

In reply to Post #2360
A good start Nic, welcome to the forum

A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the priest," especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."

As the sad news of Jimmy Hill's death was announced today, it was also revealed that the pantomime he was appearing in has been cancelled out of respect.

Tickets for Chinderella can be refunded at the box office.

In reply to Post #2360
Spammer