A mosquito landed on my balls...

Hardest decision of my life.

In reply to Post #215
i rang babe station the other night , a woman answers and says "hi ,what can i do for you , i said
"****ing hide, my wifes coming and ive lost the remote"

I pulled up outside a school and said to a young girl, "I'll give you some sweets if you get in the car."She replied, "F**k off dad. You bought the damn Skoda now you have to live with it."

I bet Katie Price could find Wally in about five seconds if he had his cock hanging out.

Im'e not sure who invented the halal meat slicer, but you can bet Abu Hanza had a hand in it !

In reply to Post #219
You are to comedy what Ronald McDonald is to the vegan movement

In reply to Post #220
**** off ginger or ille tell em the one about your small appendige

My mate tried that new drug meow! meow! it's very good, so far he has had a sleep in front of fire, had a bowl of milk, been for a s..t in his next door's garden Oh and can lick his own balls!!

In reply to Post #222

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

In reply to Post #224

In reply to Post #224

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In reply to Post #227
A African bloke walked into my pub holding a bucket this afternoon.
He handed me the bucket and said,"can you fill this up with water?"
i said; "f--k sake how many miles have you walked for this?"
He said,
"none you cheeky c--t l'm the window cleaner."

Little Johnny is taking a shower
with his mother and says, "Mom,
what are those things on your
chest!?" Unsure of how to reply,
she tells Johnny to ask his dad at
breakfast tomorrow, quite
certain the matter would be
forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The
following morning he asked his
father the same question. His
father, always quick with the
answers, says, "Why Johnny,
those are balloons. When your
mommy dies, we can blow them
up and she'll float to heaven."
Johnny thinks that's neat and
asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnny's dad
comes home from work a few
hours early. Johnny runs out of
the house crying hysterically,
"Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's
dying!!" His father says, "Calm
down son! Why do you think
Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is
blowing up Mommy's balloons
and she's screaming, "Oh God,
I'm coming