In reply to Post #1893

I saw my first Ethiopian DJ last night.

MT Stomach

Me and my girlfriend were sitting relaxed, having a chat when I accidently sh1t myself.

I'd hoped she wouldn't notice, but then it floated to the top of the bath

In reply to Post #1901
Who says the Scotts are Tight?

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform,

marches into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran

and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, then

unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief,

which he also unfolds -

to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it.

The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.

"Six pence" says the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence" says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the

silk square handkerchief

and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran,

and marches out of the door,

shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,

followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists

and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he says.

“We'll have a new one

Ramadan Diaries
Monday - didn't wash
Tuesday - didn't wash
Wednesday - didn't wash
Thursday - didn't wash
Friday - didn't wash
Saturday - bought rucksack
Sunday - won't need to wash.

"Hi, I'm Jane," she said.

"I'm Ian ," I replied, "but everyone calls me Dick for short."

"How do you get Dick from Ian?" she asked.

" as you asked nicely," I said.

Sad to read that the creator of classic party game Twister has died. Top bloke and will always be remembered fpr giving me the chance to see my auntie's cock

In reply to Post #1905

The Doctor put my wife on a new pill and now we have sex every night! doesn't matter what position we are in,nothing wakes her....

odds on being next to pick up the ashes
England 6/4 ,
Aussies 3/1,
Winnie Mandela 1/3.
Sheryl Gascoigne 4/5

A bloke brings his mate home after work to meet his wife.His wife screams "You ******* dickhead,my hair and makeup are a mess,the house is a right ******* tip,the dishes aren't done,i'm still in my pyjamas,i can't be bothered to cook and it's my time of the month".
"Why the **** did you bring him home?" The husband replies "because he was thinking of getting married.

In reply to Post #1901


and post 1909 , spot on

In reply to Post #1903

The mrs buys a vibrator and it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.



But when i get a 360 volt F**kmaster pro blow up doll with a pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with a semen collection tray and an optional built in screaming orgasm surround system..i'm called a pervert.

In reply to Post #1912
liking that one ian