Heard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall.

Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help.

I feel a bit guilty about the w@nk now.

Roberto Martinez has promised to bring Champions League football to Goodison Park.

He aims to have Sky Sports installed by September.

In reply to Post #1800
Re: Martin's post 'I have a Scottish friend';. In Canada, almost the entire country was at one time owned by the Hudson's Bay Company, who brought bond servants and peasants from the Orkneys to work in it's Northern Stores. In 1972, 300 years after they started, when I worked up there they were still doing it, (clerks had to work off their plane fare and expenses). Relevance?, there are an incredible number of Native Canadians named Harper, Flett, Mackay, etc. There may be more Native Canadians named John Harper than Scots. Bannock is the staple bread of most First Nations in Canada as well, and unless I'm wrong a good bit of the States. Sorry no joke, next time!

In reply to Post #1811
Hey! Cmon!! Not the place for educational & cultural insights!! Let's get back to socks full of cum, and w@nking over distressed old ladies!!

In reply to Post #1812
Damn straight lol

In reply to Post #1809

In reply to Post #1812

my son said,"Dad,when was the first time you fell in love?"I said, "I was 18.I walked into a bar and spotted the most gorgeous blonde I'd ever seen.Cupid fired his arrow the second i saw her." He said, "so what happened?" I said "nothing.Unfortunately the arrow missed and hit your ******* mother."

3 manchester utd fans walk into a bar..A glory hunter,a cockney and a ****.... that was just the first one.

stop being horrible to the fat kid he already got enough on his plate.

My deaf girlfriend has been having an affair with a deaf friend of mine.I should of seen the signs!!

An old man gets on a bus and there are no seats so he leans on his walking stick.The bus brakes and he slips.A young boy says "Mister,if you had a rubber at the end of your stick that wouldn't of happened".The old man replies "if your dad had taken the same advice I'd have a ******* seat".

To the person who nicked my trainers when i was on the bouncy castle ******* GROW UP.

The pictures of the little Chinese baby who was rescued after blocking the sewage pipe were really heart warming.
I hear the nurses have named him Tam Pon.

In reply to Post #1812

In reply to Post #1817

My wife came home and told me she just made £901 sucking several cocks.

Me: Who the hell gave you the 1 pound?

My wife: They all did.