Jimmy puts his hand up. "Miss," he says. "Would you do anal?"
"I beg your pardon?" says his teacher.
"I mean, would you take it up the arse miss?"
His teacher explodes. "You just stay behind after school and see me, young man!"
"Good," beams Jimmy. "I was hoping you would."
"I beg your pardon?" says his teacher.
"I mean, would you take it up the arse miss?"
His teacher explodes. "You just stay behind after school and see me, young man!"
"Good," beams Jimmy. "I was hoping you would."
A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.
The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered "Aye, man, I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle like."
The manager liked the Geordie so he gave him the job.
His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"
The Geordie said "Just the one, Gaffa."
The manager groaned ..."Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?â
"£124,237.64" replied the Geordie.
The manager choked and exclaimed "£124,237.64, what the hell did you sell him?"
"Well, forst I selt him a smaal fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I selt him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was gannin' fishing and he said doon at the coast, so I telt him he would need a booat, so we went doon tiv the boat department and I selt him that twin-engined Power Cat.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him doon tiv the car sales and I selt him the new 4 x 4 Mitsubishi Shogun".
The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?"
"Ner, nah......he came in here to buy a box of Tampax for his missus like and I said ''Well, since ya weekend's buggered, ya might as well be gan fishin..."""
The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered "Aye, man, I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle like."
The manager liked the Geordie so he gave him the job.
His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"
The Geordie said "Just the one, Gaffa."
The manager groaned ..."Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?â
"£124,237.64" replied the Geordie.
The manager choked and exclaimed "£124,237.64, what the hell did you sell him?"
"Well, forst I selt him a smaal fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I selt him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was gannin' fishing and he said doon at the coast, so I telt him he would need a booat, so we went doon tiv the boat department and I selt him that twin-engined Power Cat.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him doon tiv the car sales and I selt him the new 4 x 4 Mitsubishi Shogun".
The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?"
"Ner, nah......he came in here to buy a box of Tampax for his missus like and I said ''Well, since ya weekend's buggered, ya might as well be gan fishin..."""
I went into my local pharmacy for some condoms. It's run by my mate's mum, who's a snotty cow.
"Can I have two dozen condoms please, Miss?" I said with my best smile.
"Don't 'Miss' me, young Dave Wheeler!" she replied sternly.
"Ooooh, OK!" I told her. "Better make it 25 then."
"Can I have two dozen condoms please, Miss?" I said with my best smile.
"Don't 'Miss' me, young Dave Wheeler!" she replied sternly.
"Ooooh, OK!" I told her. "Better make it 25 then."
paddy pulls up at the traffic lights and a really fit bird pulls up next to him
paddy smiles at her and winds his window down
she smiles back at paddy and winds her window down
paddy says to her ," have you farted aswell"
paddy smiles at her and winds his window down
she smiles back at paddy and winds her window down
paddy says to her ," have you farted aswell"
In reply to Post #1751
In reply to Post #1752
"Children, can anyone tell me where babies come from?" enquired the teacher.
"Please miss, me!" shouted a scruffy looking lad from the back of the class.
"Okay Johnny, go ahead and this had better be good"
"Well I'm sure I'm the result of a c*nt and a pr1ck having sex," answered an excited Johnny.
"Don't you mean a penis and a vagina?" tutted the teacher.
"No miss, I'm pretty sure my mum and dad don't call each other that"
"Please miss, me!" shouted a scruffy looking lad from the back of the class.
"Okay Johnny, go ahead and this had better be good"
"Well I'm sure I'm the result of a c*nt and a pr1ck having sex," answered an excited Johnny.
"Don't you mean a penis and a vagina?" tutted the teacher.
"No miss, I'm pretty sure my mum and dad don't call each other that"
Saw a dwarf carrying a TV back to his car earlier.
"Jesus," I said, "Can you manage that Plasma Telly ok on yer own mate?"
"Ha ha ha, you cheeky ****er!" he said, "It's a ****ing Kindle!"
"Jesus," I said, "Can you manage that Plasma Telly ok on yer own mate?"
"Ha ha ha, you cheeky ****er!" he said, "It's a ****ing Kindle!"
In reply to Post #1756
Stoke city have announced they have short listed 6 new managers to replace Tony Pulis.
1) - Sir clive woodward
2) - Andy Robison
3) - Brian Ashton
4) - Rob Andrew
5) - Martin Johnson
6) - Stuart Lancaster
Stoke city have announced they have short listed 6 new managers to replace Tony Pulis.
1) - Sir clive woodward
2) - Andy Robison
3) - Brian Ashton
4) - Rob Andrew
5) - Martin Johnson
6) - Stuart Lancaster
My boss called me into his office and told me to go into the restroom and masturbate..
I came back and told him I'd finished to which he ordered me to go and do it again.
On my return I told him I had done the deed and he ordered me to go and do it again!
I explained that I couldn't possibly do it so soon.
He then threw his car keys too me and said "Now you can run my daughter home"
I came back and told him I'd finished to which he ordered me to go and do it again.
On my return I told him I had done the deed and he ordered me to go and do it again!
I explained that I couldn't possibly do it so soon.
He then threw his car keys too me and said "Now you can run my daughter home"
In reply to Post #1756
CLAIM,,CLAIM,,CLAIM,,,were you abused by a celebrity in the seventies or eighties???Did Jim fix it for you??Where you one of rolfs two little boys??Did you get serviced in Kevin webster's garage??Remember,Where there's a stain,there's a claim!!
Simply send a Email to MYARSEISSTILLSORE.com to start your fraudulent claim!!!!
Simply send a Email to MYARSEISSTILLSORE.com to start your fraudulent claim!!!!
On my way to work this morning i noticed the man driving next to me was texting whilst driving.
Knowing how dangerous that can be,i promptly rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.
Knowing how dangerous that can be,i promptly rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.
If you want to bet live in fight during the next Audley Harrison fight, make sure you sign into your account before round 1 starts.
In reply to Post #1760
