In reply to Post #1730

My wife accused me of ruining her birthday yesterday.

"********" l said "l didn't even know it was your birthday

After Angelina Jolie's actions to prevent cancer a lot of celebrities have copied her.
Like Susan Boyle,who's had her testicles removed

A Bangladeshi woman has been pulled out of the rubble after 17 days trapped in the factory..............Primark have questioned her overtime sheet!

In reply to Post #1737

In reply to Post #1730

"You know something love.." I said to the wife, "I'm that ****ing bored, I'm even thinking of decorating this living room."

"Well what about THIS for an idea?" She replied, ripping off her knickers and throwing them over the back of the sofa.

"That seems like an excellent idea." I told her.

"It'll stop me getting paint on the cushions."

My daughter's lisp really winds me up.

Thought we were going to watch the Eurovision Thong Contest.

A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.

"Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks.

"To take away the pain," sobs the little girl.

"What do you mean?" the teacher asks.

"Well," sobs the little girl. "I overheard my big sister say that whenever she has a pr1ck in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."

In reply to Post #1740

Ariel Castro ******* legend! Holds three woman captive for 10 years and neighbours don't hear a thing.

I can't keep mine quiet for 10 ******* minutes

The wife's just finished trimming her pubes.Her fanny looks a lot neater now but she's completely ****** my flymo.

In reply to Post #1745

In reply to Post #1744

I got to the off-licence at five past ten last night.

'Sorry, we're closed,' the owner said.

'Oh, for ****'s sake!' I shouted.

He said, 'Calm down mate. Think, what would Jesus do?'

I replied, 'Bearing in mind that he could turn water into wine, I doubt this would really be much of a setback for that ****.'