In reply to Post #1686

Jimmy Tarbuck has told Operation Yewtree detectives that the kids clothes and junior golf clubs found in his boot belong to Ronnie Corbett.

In reply to Post #1690
The three women who have been set free in Ohio after ten years were asked by a psychologist if they had any questions to ask.All three jumped up and asked,"Have Arsenal won a trophy yet?"

I just arrived home to find a Manchester City season ticket nailed to my gate.

I thought, "WOW !!! That's fantastic !!! You never know when you're gonna need a nail " !!!

What's Green and smells like bacon?

Kermits fingers.

A teacher was standing at the front of the class and she said, "I'd like you to tell me what you think sex is."
Little Jenny at the front put her hand up and said, "I saw a doggie on top of another doggie - is that sex, miss?"
"Yes, good girl," she said.
Then little Paul put his hand up and said, "I saw my mummy jumping up and down on my daddy in bed, is that sex miss?"
"Yes, good boy, Paul.
And then little Tommy stood up at the back of the class and shouted, "miss, I was watching telly the other day and I saw seven Indians on top of John Wayne, is that sex?"
The teacher said, "no, Tommy."
He stood back up and said, "I didn't think it was."
The teacher said, "why didn't you think it was?"
Tommy stood up again and said, "I knew it would take more than seven indians to fcuk John Wayne.

Ben and Jim were a couple of drinking pals who worked as airplane
mechanics in Bristol One day the airport was fogged in and they were
stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Ben says, "Bloody hell, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me
too I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You want to
try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of plastic cups high octane
fuel and get completely smashed.
The next morning Ben wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels Bloody GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings... It's Jim.
Jim says, " How do you feel this morning?" Ben says, "I feel
bloody marvelous . How about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a
hangover?" Ben says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover,
nothing. We ought to do this more often." Hesitating Jim says, well there's just one
thing..." "What's that?" "Have you farted yet?" "No....."

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in SCOTLAND

In reply to Post #1692

In reply to Post #1695

After having a good sh!t, I sprayed my aftershave to cover up the smell.

Now my bathroom just smells like a sh!t is getting ready for a night out.

In reply to Post #1698

In reply to Post #1695

"I've been waiting for you."She whispered as she bent over pulling up her nighty."Now get over here and stick it in my arse".
I hate suppository time at Grandma's house.

The last time I saw this much fuss about an old man finishing his career in Manchester

Ken Barlow was being led away in handcuffs

In reply to Post #1701