In reply to Post #1624
"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for THUMBTACKS.In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?
In reply to Post #1630
In reply to Post #1631
The Metropolitan Police are baffled after authorities at Wembley opened the stadium this morning to discover that 70,000 seats had towels on them.
The Metropolitan Police are baffled after authorities at Wembley opened the stadium this morning to discover that 70,000 seats had towels on them.
Last night,the presenter on a charity advert said,"Pick up your phone and pledge."
I'm still sitting here,with the phone in one hand and a can of furniture polish in the other, wondering what the **** I'm supposed to do next.
I'm still sitting here,with the phone in one hand and a can of furniture polish in the other, wondering what the **** I'm supposed to do next.
Anal after Mexican food is like oral from a dragon.
I shaved my wife's pubic region this morning to resemble Hitler's mustache.
I call it "The Clitler"
I call it "The Clitler"
In reply to Post #1630
A man goes on holiday to Barcelona and decides to go for a meal in town. A fancy bistro catches his eye so he walks in and orders paella.
Whilst he's waiting he spots his waiter serving a man's meal. The dish smells sublime, rich in colour with juices oozing from the two pieces of tender meat.
"Excuse me señor" he says to the waiter just before he walks past his table. "That dish you served to the gentleman over there, what is it?"
"Ahh, that señor is our most popular dish. The bulls testicles"
"Really?" the man says in a surprised manor. "It looks and smells great! Is it too late to change my order?"
"No it is not señor but I'm afraid you cannot have the bulls testicles"
"Why not?"
"There is only one bull fight a day señor so only one meal can be ordered a day. If you come back early tomorrow you can order it then"
The man is disappointed and so he has his meal, goes back to his hotel and comes back the next day. First one through the door and orders the testicles.
After a short wait his meal arrives. The dish smells sublime, rich in colour with juices oozing from the two pieces of tender meat.
He tucks in and is amazed at the unbelievable taste and texture of what he thinks is by far the best thing he has ever eaten.
After finishing, the waiter comes over.
"How was it señor? You like?"
"That was the best thing I've ever eaten but I just had one slight issue"
"Yes señor?"
"Well, the dish you gave to the gentleman yesterday, the testicles on his plate seemed bigger than mine"
"Ahh señor, sometimes the bull wins"
Whilst he's waiting he spots his waiter serving a man's meal. The dish smells sublime, rich in colour with juices oozing from the two pieces of tender meat.
"Excuse me señor" he says to the waiter just before he walks past his table. "That dish you served to the gentleman over there, what is it?"
"Ahh, that señor is our most popular dish. The bulls testicles"
"Really?" the man says in a surprised manor. "It looks and smells great! Is it too late to change my order?"
"No it is not señor but I'm afraid you cannot have the bulls testicles"
"Why not?"
"There is only one bull fight a day señor so only one meal can be ordered a day. If you come back early tomorrow you can order it then"
The man is disappointed and so he has his meal, goes back to his hotel and comes back the next day. First one through the door and orders the testicles.
After a short wait his meal arrives. The dish smells sublime, rich in colour with juices oozing from the two pieces of tender meat.
He tucks in and is amazed at the unbelievable taste and texture of what he thinks is by far the best thing he has ever eaten.
After finishing, the waiter comes over.
"How was it señor? You like?"
"That was the best thing I've ever eaten but I just had one slight issue"
"Yes señor?"
"Well, the dish you gave to the gentleman yesterday, the testicles on his plate seemed bigger than mine"
"Ahh señor, sometimes the bull wins"
In reply to Post #1637
In reply to Post #1638
I met a bloke in a wheelchair today, his face was battered and bruised.
"What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?" I enquired.
"No..." he said, "... hurdles."
I met a bloke in a wheelchair today, his face was battered and bruised.
"What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?" I enquired.
"No..." he said, "... hurdles."
In reply to Post #1639
In reply to Post #1637
In reply to Post #1639
I came home from a college to find a sexy woman sunbathing topless in the neighbour's back garden.
She was listening to her ipad and had a towel covering most of her face, so I had to take my chance by quickly pulling out my cock and ejaculating over my mum's flowerbeds.
As I walked back into the house with a smile on my face, my dad said, "Did you say hello to the new neighbour?"
"No, is she nice?" I asked.
"She's not bad for a tranny," he replied.
She was listening to her ipad and had a towel covering most of her face, so I had to take my chance by quickly pulling out my cock and ejaculating over my mum's flowerbeds.
As I walked back into the house with a smile on my face, my dad said, "Did you say hello to the new neighbour?"
"No, is she nice?" I asked.
"She's not bad for a tranny," he replied.