It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fcuk him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fcuk him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea.
A Airline pilot announces during flight that the plane is going to land in 2 hours. He forgets to put off the microphone& says to the co-pilot “I am going to have tea first & fcuk the air hostess for an hour. Listening to this, the hostess rushes towards cockpit to shut of the microphone but stumbles on a kids leg & falls down. The kid say “U really desperate for a fcuk, aint you? Didn't you hear he's gonna have tea first!!!
In reply to Post #1585
In reply to Post #1585
In reply to Post #1585
If my wife puts ketchup on the table it means no sex as she's on her period.
If she puts salad cream then she wants some cum in her tonight.
And if she puts mustard then she has an infection. Things have got so much easier since we started using sauce code.
If she puts salad cream then she wants some cum in her tonight.
And if she puts mustard then she has an infection. Things have got so much easier since we started using sauce code.
In reply to Post #1589
Liverpool accept £19m bid for Suarez from Borussia Munchoncentreback.
In reply to Post #1591
i was sitting on the edge of the bed last night pulling of my boxers when the wife commented "you spoil those dogs"..
i was sitting on the edge of the bed last night pulling of my boxers when the wife commented "you spoil those dogs"..
In reply to Post #1589
You've missed a trick with the brown sauce.
You've missed a trick with the brown sauce.
In reply to Post #1593
Your mum's vagina and a horse have two things in common...
They're fun to ride and everyone at tesco has had a taste....
They're fun to ride and everyone at tesco has had a taste....
"I can't believe the dog was licking your dick" said Dave's missus.
"Well its not like I didn't discipline him, I gave him a smack on the nose and told him off!" Dave replied.
"I know, I just thought it might have been more effective had you done it before you came!!"
"Well its not like I didn't discipline him, I gave him a smack on the nose and told him off!" Dave replied.
"I know, I just thought it might have been more effective had you done it before you came!!"
On Wednesday afternoon, a fourth-grade teacher announces to her class, "Children, I'm going to ask you a question, and if anyone can answer it correctly, they can take tomorrow off from school." Of course, this gets the immediate and undivided attention of all the students. They lean forward in their chairs and listen intently.
"All right," says the teacher, "here is the question: How many grains of sand are there on the beach at the Oak Street beach?" Needless to say, none of the children knows the answer.
The following day, the teacher says, "If you can answer today's question correctly, you may take tomorrow off from school. The question is: How many drops of water are there in the Lake Michigan?"
The children sit in silence, frustrated by the second impossibly difficult question. Dirty Johnny, sitting in the back of the class, is particularly annoyed. "I'm gonna fix her,' he thinks. That night, he goes home and paints two golf balls black.
Friday, the teacher says, "Okay, here is today's question..." But before she can get it out, Dirty Johnny rolls the two painted golf balls to the front of the room. With a loud clatter, the golf balls hit the wall right below the blackboard.
Startled, the teacher looks around the room and says, "All right, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
"Eddie Murphy," Johnny replies. "I'll see ya Tuesday
"All right," says the teacher, "here is the question: How many grains of sand are there on the beach at the Oak Street beach?" Needless to say, none of the children knows the answer.
The following day, the teacher says, "If you can answer today's question correctly, you may take tomorrow off from school. The question is: How many drops of water are there in the Lake Michigan?"
The children sit in silence, frustrated by the second impossibly difficult question. Dirty Johnny, sitting in the back of the class, is particularly annoyed. "I'm gonna fix her,' he thinks. That night, he goes home and paints two golf balls black.
Friday, the teacher says, "Okay, here is today's question..." But before she can get it out, Dirty Johnny rolls the two painted golf balls to the front of the room. With a loud clatter, the golf balls hit the wall right below the blackboard.
Startled, the teacher looks around the room and says, "All right, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
"Eddie Murphy," Johnny replies. "I'll see ya Tuesday
In reply to Post #1597