In reply to Post #1485
Took the missus out for a romantic meal last night
and played footsie under the table while we were
eating.I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the
hole.
and played footsie under the table while we were
eating.I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the
hole.
In reply to Post #1495
In reply to Post #1495
A man goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.
The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesnt eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. Good God, Dear,he proclaims, i have just had the worst day of my entire life
She responds, You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.
The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesnt eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. Good God, Dear,he proclaims, i have just had the worst day of my entire life
She responds, You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning.
I confronted my daughter after she strolled in at 3am this morning.
"You've been to a bukkake party, haven't you!" I said.
"No, I haven't dad, I promise!" she replied contritely.
"Oh come on," I said, "It's all over your face."
"You've been to a bukkake party, haven't you!" I said.
"No, I haven't dad, I promise!" she replied contritely.
"Oh come on," I said, "It's all over your face."
In reply to Post #1499
I was out last night when an ugly ****ing bird approached me. We got into into a conversation and she asked me if I had a nickname and I replied "Yes my friends call me the sledge". She said "The sledge, why do they call you that ?" "Because I always get pulled by ****ing dogs" I replied.
I was out last night when an ugly ****ing bird approached me. We got into into a conversation and she asked me if I had a nickname and I replied "Yes my friends call me the sledge". She said "The sledge, why do they call you that ?" "Because I always get pulled by ****ing dogs" I replied.
Is it too early to say Margaret Thatcher ...... me when i was a miner?
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=497402913640240&set=vb.449509825096216&type=2&theater
Proper funny! This guy goes absolutley mental over not being able to play guitar!
Proper funny! This guy goes absolutley mental over not being able to play guitar!
In reply to Post #1502
Just seen the plans for Thatchers grave.It looks good but i think they should have made the dance floor a bit bigger.
When i realized margaret thatcher was dead,i did a double fist pump and shouted,f...... brilliant"
Everyone around me was disgusted,and looking back,i suppose it was out of order.especially as i was the first paramedic at the scene.
Everyone around me was disgusted,and looking back,i suppose it was out of order.especially as i was the first paramedic at the scene.
I was gutted to hear about the death of margaret thatcher....i had Nelson mandela in the sweepstake!
In reply to Post #1499
In reply to Post #1506
