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   Old Thread  #1699 12 May 2013 at 1.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1698 12 May 2013 at 1.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
After having a good sh!t, I sprayed my aftershave to cover up the smell.

Now my bathroom just smells like a sh!t is getting ready for a night out.
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   Old Thread  #1697 12 May 2013 at 11.55am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1696 12 May 2013 at 11.52am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1695 12 May 2013 at 9.59am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Ben and Jim were a couple of drinking pals who worked as airplane
mechanics in Bristol One day the airport was fogged in and they were
stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Ben says, "Bloody hell, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me
too I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You want to
try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of plastic cups high octane
fuel and get completely smashed.
The next morning Ben wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels Bloody GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings... It's Jim.
Jim says, " How do you feel this morning?" Ben says, "I feel
bloody marvelous . How about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a
hangover?" Ben says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover,
nothing. We ought to do this more often." Hesitating Jim says, well there's just one
thing..." "What's that?" "Have you farted yet?" "No....."

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in SCOTLAND
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   Old Thread  #1694 12 May 2013 at 9.51am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A teacher was standing at the front of the class and she said, "I'd like you to tell me what you think sex is."
Little Jenny at the front put her hand up and said, "I saw a doggie on top of another doggie - is that sex, miss?"
"Yes, good girl," she said.
Then little Paul put his hand up and said, "I saw my mummy jumping up and down on my daddy in bed, is that sex miss?"
"Yes, good boy, Paul.
And then little Tommy stood up at the back of the class and shouted, "miss, I was watching telly the other day and I saw seven Indians on top of John Wayne, is that sex?"
The teacher said, "no, Tommy."
He stood back up and said, "I didn't think it was."
The teacher said, "why didn't you think it was?"
Tommy stood up again and said, "I knew it would take more than seven indians to fcuk John Wayne.
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   Old Thread  #1693 12 May 2013 at 8.23am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What's Green and smells like bacon?

Kermits fingers.
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   Old Thread  #1692 12 May 2013 at 8.23am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I just arrived home to find a Manchester City season ticket nailed to my gate.

I thought, "WOW !!! That's fantastic !!! You never know when you're gonna need a nail " !!!
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   Old Thread  #1691 10 May 2013 at 6.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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The three women who have been set free in Ohio after ten years were asked by a psychologist if they had any questions to ask.All three jumped up and asked,"Have Arsenal won a trophy yet?"
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   Old Thread  #1690 10 May 2013 at 6.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Jimmy Tarbuck has told Operation Yewtree detectives that the kids clothes and junior golf clubs found in his boot belong to Ronnie Corbett.
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   Old Thread  #1689 10 May 2013 at 10.36am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1688 9 May 2013 at 8.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Fu**in beltin!
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   Old Thread  #1687 9 May 2013 at 8.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Shares in Wrigleys chewing gum has dropped 17% following the news of alex ferguson retirement, redundancies expected.
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   Old Thread  #1686 9 May 2013 at 8.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Quasimodo is sat in his study and once again is feeling depressed about how ugly he is. Looking for some reassurance, he goes in search of Esmerelda. When he finds her he asks her once again if he really is the ugliest man alive.

Esmeralda sighs and says "Look, why don't you go upstairs and ask the magic mirror who is the ugliest man alive? The mirror will answer your question once and for all"

About five minutes later a very pleased looking Quasimodo bounced back back the stairs and gave Esmeralda a great big hug.

"Well it worked" Quasimodo beamed, "But who on earth is Iain Dowie?"


Sorry mate couldn't resist
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   Old Thread  #1685 9 May 2013 at 8.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Might have a nosey mate
Well in
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