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In reply to Post #1831
I farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around................................I felt like I was on The Voice.
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In reply to Post #1828
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In reply to Post #1829
 
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Dear Deidre....I was was watching my next door neighbours daughter sunbathing topless the other day from my bedroom window....while I was ****ing I turned to notice my wife just standing there arms folded watching me...Is she a pervert??
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A large couple tumbled into the pub I work at and sat down in the restaurant. They'd clearly been to several other pubs this evening. I went over to their table to take their order.
"I'll have a cheeseburger with chips and a large glass of Pinot".
"I'm sorry, madam", I replied, "I'm afraid you've clearly had enough this evening, and I'm not going to be able to serve you"
"This is absurd!" exclaimed the man, as he jumped up from his seat "I think you'll find we've not had a drink all night, you imbecile".
"I think you'll find I was talking about the food, you fat ****".
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In reply to Post #1810
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In reply to Post #1817
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I walked in on my son masturbating the other day.
'You shouldn't w@nk too often!' I shouted 'You'll go blind!'
'Erm, Dad I'm over here.' He replied
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My wife came home and told me she just made £901 sucking several cocks.
Me: Who the hell gave you the 1 pound?
My wife: They all did.
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In reply to Post #1817
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In reply to Post #1812
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The pictures of the little Chinese baby who was rescued after blocking the sewage pipe were really heart warming.
I hear the nurses have named him Tam Pon.
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To the person who nicked my trainers when i was on the bouncy castle ******* GROW UP.
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stop being horrible to the fat kid he already got enough on his plate.
My deaf girlfriend has been having an affair with a deaf friend of mine.I should of seen the signs!!
An old man gets on a bus and there are no seats so he leans on his walking stick.The bus brakes and he slips.A young boy says "Mister,if you had a rubber at the end of your stick that wouldn't of happened".The old man replies "if your dad had taken the same advice I'd have a ******* seat".
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NON Carp stuff