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   Old Thread  #1749 18 May 2013 at 7.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Jimmy puts his hand up. "Miss," he says. "Would you do anal?"

"I beg your pardon?" says his teacher.

"I mean, would you take it up the arse miss?"

His teacher explodes. "You just stay behind after school and see me, young man!"

"Good," beams Jimmy. "I was hoping you would."
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   Old Thread  #1748 18 May 2013 at 7.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I got to the off-licence at five past ten last night.

'Sorry, we're closed,' the owner said.

'Oh, for ****'s sake!' I shouted.

He said, 'Calm down mate. Think, what would Jesus do?'

I replied, 'Bearing in mind that he could turn water into wine, I doubt this would really be much of a setback for that ****.'
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   Old Thread  #1747 18 May 2013 at 7.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1746 18 May 2013 at 7.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1745 18 May 2013 at 7.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife's just finished trimming her pubes.Her fanny looks a lot neater now but she's completely ****** my flymo.
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   Old Thread  #1744 18 May 2013 at 7.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Ariel Castro ******* legend! Holds three woman captive for 10 years and neighbours don't hear a thing.

I can't keep mine quiet for 10 ******* minutes
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   Old Thread  #1743 18 May 2013 at 7.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1742 18 May 2013 at 5.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.

"Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks.

"To take away the pain," sobs the little girl.

"What do you mean?" the teacher asks.

"Well," sobs the little girl. "I overheard my big sister say that whenever she has a pr1ck in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."
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   Old Thread  #1741 18 May 2013 at 5.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My daughter's lisp really winds me up.

Thought we were going to watch the Eurovision Thong Contest.
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   Old Thread  #1740 18 May 2013 at 5.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"You know something love.." I said to the wife, "I'm that ****ing bored, I'm even thinking of decorating this living room."

"Well what about THIS for an idea?" She replied, ripping off her knickers and throwing them over the back of the sofa.

"That seems like an excellent idea." I told her.

"It'll stop me getting paint on the cushions."
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   Old Thread  #1739 18 May 2013 at 10.32am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1738 18 May 2013 at 10.25am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1737 18 May 2013 at 10.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A Bangladeshi woman has been pulled out of the rubble after 17 days trapped in the factory..............Primark have questioned her overtime sheet!
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   Old Thread  #1736 18 May 2013 at 10.20am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
After Angelina Jolie's actions to prevent cancer a lot of celebrities have copied her.
Like Susan Boyle,who's had her testicles removed
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   Old Thread  #1735 18 May 2013 at 10.17am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife accused me of ruining her birthday yesterday.

"********" l said "l didn't even know it was your birthday
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