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   Old Thread  #2550 29 Aug 2017 at 6.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was at the bar having a pint when a woman glanced at my jeans and said "your garage doors are open"

can you see the long big shiny Cadillac inside? I said

no she said but I can see a Mini with 2 flat tyres.



Oh god the old ones are still .................the old ones.
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   Old Thread  #2549 22 Aug 2017 at 9.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy says to Mick I've got a box of cakes here........if you can guess how many there are you can have both of them
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   Old Thread  #2548 11 Aug 2017 at 3.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2543


i went to the zoo the other day

all they had was a little oriental sounding dog


it was a shih tzu

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   Old Thread  #2547 23 Jul 2017 at 10.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Went to an AA meeting last month , their advice was to stay away from alcoholics , so I never went back
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   Old Thread  #2546 23 Jul 2017 at 4.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A Chinese baby boy was born prematurely and was named Sudden Lee.
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   Old Thread  #2545 24 Jun 2017 at 8.27am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Bread in captivity
I missed that one thanks to Jim for bringing it to my attention
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   Old Thread  #2544 23 Jun 2017 at 11.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Brilliant clean fun.

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2543 6 Jun 2017 at 12.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.
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   Old Thread  #2542 12 May 2017 at 4.16pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a guy asks the assistant "where can I find Irish sausages"

Assistant. ----- Are you Irish ?

Guy. ----- yes I am but if I had asked for Italian sausage would you have asked was I Italian

Assistant. ----- I doupt it

Guy. ----- And if I had asked for Kosher sausage would you have asked if I were Jewish

Assistant. ----- Proberly not

Guy. ----- So why did you ask if I was Irish

Assistant. ----- Your in Halfords.

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   Old Thread  #2541 30 Mar 2017 at 3.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, and then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2540 14 Mar 2017 at 8.06pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2539
What's the difference between a seductress and a flirt? A seductress uses her feminine guile and the allure of potential sexual gratification to get what she wants. A flirt is what Geordie milkmen ride round on
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   Old Thread  #2539 12 Mar 2017 at 8.28am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
An unemployed man went into a job center in Devon and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Enticed by the job title, he went in

and asked the clerk for details of the position.


The clerk pulled up the file and read;


"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the Gynecologist .

You have to help the women out of there underwear , lay them down and carefully wash their private regions,
then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in
soothing oils so they're ready for the Gynecologist's examination.

"The annual salary is 125.000 , and if you are interested you will have to travel to Inverness Scotland ".


"Good grief....Is that where the job is?"


"No sir..... that's where the end of the line is for applicants right now.
😂😂
Tel
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   Old Thread  #2538 5 Mar 2017 at 10.12am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Husband sat in his room throwing darts at his wife's photo but not even a single one hit the Target. 🎯

From the kitchen wife asks the husband :
"What are u doing?"

Husband : "MISSING YOU DARLING"
👍
Tel
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   Old Thread  #2537 4 Mar 2017 at 2.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a 7 year old and a 4 year old are in their bedroom, the 7 year old says it's time we started swearing, when we go down for breakfast I'll start then you, OK, the 4 year old says yeah OK, they go down and mum says what do you want for breakfast? the 7 year old says Coco pops Bitch, whack, he gets a clout round the head and ends up on the floor, she turns to the 4 year old and says what about you, well it won't be f***ing Coco pops.
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   Old Thread  #2536 13 Feb 2017 at 1.43pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2532
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