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   Old Thread  #2562 7 Sept 2017 at 5.40pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2561
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   Old Thread  #2561 6 Sept 2017 at 5.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2560
Paddy & Murphy walking down a lane and come to a bridge over a river and see Sean and Paul...

Paul is holding Sean off the edge of the bridge by his ankles, they ask what's happening. Paul explains that he and Sean are fishing....

"I hold him by the anckles and he reaches down and puts his hands in the water, when I salmon swims through his hands he shouts pull me....."

At that moment Sean's Shouts "pull me up" and bang there he is with a Salmon in his hands.

Seriously impressed Paddy & Murphy carry on down the lane for a bit until they come to another bridge. Still on a high from what they saw earlier, Paddy says they should give it a go and Murphy readily agrees.

Paddy grabs Murphy by the ankle and hangs him down and they wait...

"have you had anything Murphy"... "No Paddy"..... 5 mins passes.... "have you had anything Murphy.."No Paddy.. this time 10mins pass and then all of a sudden the call comes...

"Murphy Pull me up, Pull me up" yells Paddy... "Have ye got one Paddy" asks Murphy

No there's a train coming!!
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   Old Thread  #2560 6 Sept 2017 at 2.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Whats the difference between a scouser and batman....batman can go out without robin
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   Old Thread  #2559 1 Sept 2017 at 9.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Man to woman in a bar " you remind me of my big toe"

Woman replies "why's that"

Man answers " cos when I get home I'm gonna bang you on the coffee table".
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   Old Thread  #2558 31 Aug 2017 at 7.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Dad there's a couple at the door collecting for the old folks home,
give them grandma and tell them to **** off.
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   Old Thread  #2557 30 Aug 2017 at 9.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I was round my scouse mates house last week, admiring the trampoline he had in the garden. "What site did you get it from?" I asked.

"google earth"
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   Old Thread  #2556 30 Aug 2017 at 9.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Excellent

Dad theres a bloke at the door with a bald head
Tell him to **** off I've got one
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   Old Thread  #2555 29 Aug 2017 at 9.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2553
Dad , there's a bloke knocking the door with a beard .

Well no wonder I couldn't ****ing hear him.
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   Old Thread  #2554 29 Aug 2017 at 9.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2553 29 Aug 2017 at 9.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was on my way home yesterday and seen my neighbour who is a dwarf standing at the bus stop.

So I stopped and shouted "jump in John, ill give you a lift home".

To which he told me to f#ck off.......

Ungrateful b@stard, so I zipped up my rucksack and carried on walking.
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   Old Thread  #2552 29 Aug 2017 at 8.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've just had the police knocking on my door saying " they have received complaints that my dog has been chasing the postman on his bike".

So I informed them its cannot be my dog cos he hasn't got a bike
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   Old Thread  #2551 29 Aug 2017 at 8.41pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've just spent my life's savings on a gender reassignment operation..............now I haven't got a sausage.......
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   Old Thread  #2550 29 Aug 2017 at 6.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was at the bar having a pint when a woman glanced at my jeans and said "your garage doors are open"

can you see the long big shiny Cadillac inside? I said

no she said but I can see a Mini with 2 flat tyres.



Oh god the old ones are still .................the old ones.
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   Old Thread  #2549 22 Aug 2017 at 9.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy says to Mick I've got a box of cakes here........if you can guess how many there are you can have both of them
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   Old Thread  #2548 11 Aug 2017 at 3.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2543


i went to the zoo the other day

all they had was a little oriental sounding dog


it was a shih tzu

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