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   Old Thread  #2556 30 Aug 2017 at 9.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2555
Excellent

Dad theres a bloke at the door with a bald head
Tell him to **** off I've got one
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   Old Thread  #2555 29 Aug 2017 at 9.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Dad , there's a bloke knocking the door with a beard .

Well no wonder I couldn't ****ing hear him.
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   Old Thread  #2554 29 Aug 2017 at 9.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2553 29 Aug 2017 at 9.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was on my way home yesterday and seen my neighbour who is a dwarf standing at the bus stop.

So I stopped and shouted "jump in John, ill give you a lift home".

To which he told me to f#ck off.......

Ungrateful b@stard, so I zipped up my rucksack and carried on walking.
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   Old Thread  #2552 29 Aug 2017 at 8.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've just had the police knocking on my door saying " they have received complaints that my dog has been chasing the postman on his bike".

So I informed them its cannot be my dog cos he hasn't got a bike
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   Old Thread  #2551 29 Aug 2017 at 8.41pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've just spent my life's savings on a gender reassignment operation..............now I haven't got a sausage.......
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   Old Thread  #2550 29 Aug 2017 at 6.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was at the bar having a pint when a woman glanced at my jeans and said "your garage doors are open"

can you see the long big shiny Cadillac inside? I said

no she said but I can see a Mini with 2 flat tyres.



Oh god the old ones are still .................the old ones.
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   Old Thread  #2549 22 Aug 2017 at 9.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy says to Mick I've got a box of cakes here........if you can guess how many there are you can have both of them
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   Old Thread  #2548 11 Aug 2017 at 3.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2543


i went to the zoo the other day

all they had was a little oriental sounding dog


it was a shih tzu

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   Old Thread  #2547 23 Jul 2017 at 10.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Went to an AA meeting last month , their advice was to stay away from alcoholics , so I never went back
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   Old Thread  #2546 23 Jul 2017 at 4.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A Chinese baby boy was born prematurely and was named Sudden Lee.
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   Old Thread  #2545 24 Jun 2017 at 8.27am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Bread in captivity
I missed that one thanks to Jim for bringing it to my attention
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   Old Thread  #2544 23 Jun 2017 at 11.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Brilliant clean fun.

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2543 6 Jun 2017 at 12.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.
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   Old Thread  #2542 12 May 2017 at 4.16pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a guy asks the assistant "where can I find Irish sausages"

Assistant. ----- Are you Irish ?

Guy. ----- yes I am but if I had asked for Italian sausage would you have asked was I Italian

Assistant. ----- I doupt it

Guy. ----- And if I had asked for Kosher sausage would you have asked if I were Jewish

Assistant. ----- Proberly not

Guy. ----- So why did you ask if I was Irish

Assistant. ----- Your in Halfords.

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