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   Old Thread  #1921 17 Jul 2013 at 8.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1919
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   Old Thread  #1920 17 Jul 2013 at 10.03am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Double sprint world champion Tyson Gay has tested positive for a substance he could not identify and is pulling out of next month's world championships in Moscow.

To be fair, he's not the first gay to test positive and have to pull out before it's too late.
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   Old Thread  #1919 17 Jul 2013 at 10.01am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
After landing my new job as a Asda greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here’s what happened:

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Asda."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Don't be fcuking stupid. Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one' s 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone fcuked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda."
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   Old Thread  #1918 17 Jul 2013 at 9.59am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
some crackers there lads
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   Old Thread  #1917 17 Jul 2013 at 9.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him.

They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."

"That's correct", said the boss.

Another glass. "It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."

"Correct." The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something.

She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don't give me the job, I'll also tell who the fcuking father is
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   Old Thread  #1916 15 Jul 2013 at 9.18pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1915 15 Jul 2013 at 7.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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gud un
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   Old Thread  #1914 15 Jul 2013 at 6.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What's white and works in Mc donalds?





The fridge.
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   Old Thread  #1913 15 Jul 2013 at 6.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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liking that one ian
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   Old Thread  #1912 15 Jul 2013 at 10.47am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The mrs buys a vibrator and it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.



But when i get a 360 volt F**kmaster pro blow up doll with a pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with a semen collection tray and an optional built in screaming orgasm surround system..i'm called a pervert.
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   Old Thread  #1911 14 Jul 2013 at 10.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1910 14 Jul 2013 at 10.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1901


and post 1909 , spot on
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   Old Thread  #1909 14 Jul 2013 at 7.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A bloke brings his mate home after work to meet his wife.His wife screams "You ******* dickhead,my hair and makeup are a mess,the house is a right ******* tip,the dishes aren't done,i'm still in my pyjamas,i can't be bothered to cook and it's my time of the month".
"Why the **** did you bring him home?" The husband replies "because he was thinking of getting married.
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   Old Thread  #1908 14 Jul 2013 at 7.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
odds on being next to pick up the ashes
England 6/4 ,
Aussies 3/1,
Winnie Mandela 1/3.
Sheryl Gascoigne 4/5
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   Old Thread  #1907 14 Jul 2013 at 6.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The Doctor put my wife on a new pill and now we have sex every night! doesn't matter what position we are in,nothing wakes her....
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