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   Old Thread  #1949 16 Aug 2013 at 10.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"
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   Old Thread  #1948 11 Aug 2013 at 12.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
my wife walked into the bathroom and found me with my head down the toilet.
she said,"stop pretending to be sick,you're still coming with me to my Mothers."
I said,"i'm not,i'm just getting use to the smell of p***."
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   Old Thread  #1947 11 Aug 2013 at 12.41pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
If you had the choice between Bill Gates fortune or ending poverty in Africa,what colour ferrari would you pick?
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   Old Thread  #1946 10 Aug 2013 at 9.46am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
brought a tin of evaporated milk this morning , took it home and opened it and there was **** all in it
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   Old Thread  #1945 5 Aug 2013 at 8.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Bet if you lost your t.v remote you'd try blame Rolf Harris, the man's nothing but nice. He once taught me how to milk a cow blind folded!
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   Old Thread  #1944 4 Aug 2013 at 10.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Malcolm Tucker is the new Doctor.

I cant wait to see him tell a Dalek to go and **** its self.
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   Old Thread  #1943 4 Aug 2013 at 5.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
Minnie Mouse and Micky Mouse in the divorce court, after the summing up the judge says to Micky " having buck teeth is not suitable grounds for divorce" Micky says i didn't say she had buck teeth, i said "she f***ing Goofy".
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   Old Thread  #1942 30 Jul 2013 at 6.12pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1941
Irish Medical Dictionary.

Artery- The study of paintings
Bacteria- back door to café
Barium-What doctors do when patients die
Cat scan- Search for kitty
Cauterize-made eye contact with her
Enema-not a friend
Fester-Quicker than someone else
Impotent-Distinguished
Post operative-A letter carrier
Tumour-One plus one more
Urine-Opposite of your out
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   Old Thread  #1941 29 Jul 2013 at 9.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was given the job of interviewing Kate Middleton's midwife.

"What colour hair did it have?", I asked.

"None at all, completely bald," he replied.

"Is it cute?"

"It was beautiful, one of the cutest I've ever seen," he added.

I said, "Now lets talk about the baby."
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   Old Thread  #1940 27 Jul 2013 at 1.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
An 8" canister was found outside a mosque today

the local muslims said they had never seen anything like it

experts are not ruling out deoderant
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   Old Thread  #1939 27 Jul 2013 at 10.05am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1938 27 Jul 2013 at 7.39am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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selling all my old dogging gear on ebay-no bids as yet but loads of watchers!
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   Old Thread  #1937 26 Jul 2013 at 7.43pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1933
Kin ell Paul
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   Old Thread  #1936 26 Jul 2013 at 7.41pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1931
gud un
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   Old Thread  #1935 26 Jul 2013 at 7.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
This Rooney hating thing has gone too far. I'm outside Old Trafford & there's a guy burning small effigies of Rooney & selling them to fans. Oh, hang on....its a baked potato stand.
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