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   Old Thread  #1996 28 Oct 2013 at 8.05am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
paddy sees Murphy in hospital with two bandaged feet.Paddy asks "what have you done? Murphy replies"its f**king Morrisons again!!! I bought a sponge pudding for my tea and it said pierce the tin and stand in boiling water for ten minutes.
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   Old Thread  #1995 28 Oct 2013 at 7.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Silently i slipped the condom over my erect dick and rolled it down the entire length of my throbbing shaft,never once losing eye contact with the young woman as she stared at me in wide eyed ,jaw dropping disbelief.....Then breaking the silence i spoke........"Yes,that seems to fit alright,i'll take the whole packet please......."
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   Old Thread  #1994 24 Oct 2013 at 9.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1993
Can you believe it ?
My Income Tax return form as been sent back to me because in response to the question 4
Do you have anyone dependent on you ? I replied
2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack heads, 4.4 million unemployed Jeremy Kyle scroungers
900,000 prisoners over 95 prisons plus 650 idiots in Parliament and the whole of the European Commission.
They claimed this was an unacceptable answer
So who the hell have I missed out.
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   Old Thread  #1993 24 Oct 2013 at 3.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1991
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   Old Thread  #1992 24 Oct 2013 at 12.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse.

When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their willy's to direct the flow away from their clothes, and then shake them dry.

As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 3?

'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.'
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   Old Thread  #1991 24 Oct 2013 at 11.57am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was sitting at a red stop light yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.

A carload of bearded, loud, young Muslims, shouting anti-English slogans, with a half- burned Union Jack duck-taped to the boot lid of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan, spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.

Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akhbar !!" and took off before the light changed.

Out of nowhere a bus came speeding through the junction and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "My God, that could have been me!!!"

So today, I went out and got myself a job as a bus driver!
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   Old Thread  #1990 23 Oct 2013 at 8.29am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
As a young boy i was blessed with a nine and three quarter inch penis.
Unfortunately it belonged to Father O'Malley.
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   Old Thread  #1989 23 Oct 2013 at 8.26am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
so the media say playing grand theft auto 5 will cause players to commit crime.
Bull**** i have got the coronation street board game and i am not a paedophile.
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   Old Thread  #1988 23 Oct 2013 at 8.20am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I fell asleep at a party last night and someone put a tea bag in my mouth.
i went mental,nobody treats me like a mug!
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   Old Thread  #1987 22 Oct 2013 at 3.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1986
gone a bit quiet on the joke front recently :(
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   Old Thread  #1986 11 Oct 2013 at 7.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1982
either that or his missus has ran off with,Ryan Giggs
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   Old Thread  #1985 11 Oct 2013 at 7.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
ive just had some great financial news.
the little african kid that i sponsor has
been eaten by a lion.
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   Old Thread  #1984 11 Oct 2013 at 7.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
my ex-wife is spreading false rumours about me being schizophrenic.
Well, three can play that game
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   Old Thread  #1983 11 Oct 2013 at 7.40pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1978
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   Old Thread  #1982 11 Oct 2013 at 3.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1981
city supporter ???
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