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   Old Thread  #2059 21 Dec 2013 at 10.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2058
Got my first Xmas card today from the Tourette's society.
Wasn't anything special,but it's the thought that ****s
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   Old Thread  #2058 21 Dec 2013 at 8.24am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2057 20 Dec 2013 at 12.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I did not know Britain had begun a new space mission.

"Hello Euston, this is Apollo. The ceiling has landed."
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   Old Thread  #2056 19 Dec 2013 at 8.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2055 19 Dec 2013 at 8.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
'Hello, Is this the Police Station?'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbour Jack Murphy...He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there..'
Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, twelve police officers descend on Jack's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Jack and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Jack's house.
'Hey, Jack! This here's Floyd....Did the Police come?'
'Yeah!'
'Did they chop your firewood?'
'Yep!'
'Happy Birthday, jack pal". Lol.
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   Old Thread  #2054 19 Dec 2013 at 5.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I bumped into an old school friend today.He started talking about his well paid job,and his expensive sports car,then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said,"she's beautiful,isn't she?"I said,"if you think she's beautiful,you should see my wife!"
He said,"Why is she a stunner?"
I said, "no,she a f**king optician!"
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   Old Thread  #2053 14 Dec 2013 at 5.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I went to my premature ejaculation support group meeting today.But it turns out its tomorrow.
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   Old Thread  #2052 14 Dec 2013 at 5.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife was texting me all day yesterday saying she was in casualty....I watched all 50 minutes of it and didn't see her once! She's still not home and I'm getting hungry!!
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   Old Thread  #2051 13 Dec 2013 at 9.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2050 13 Dec 2013 at 9.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2049 13 Dec 2013 at 3.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A young lad and his grandpa go fishing one day. They set up next to the river and sit back in their camping chairs waiting for the fish to start to bite. After a while, the grandpa pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights one up. The kid is really interested and asks his grandpa if he can have one. Grandpa turns to the kid and says, "Can you touch your a***h*** with your penis?"

The boy replies that he can't.

"Well," says Grandpa, "then you're not old enough yet."

Another hour or so goes by and then Grandpa pulls out a can of beer. Again the boy is interested and asks if he could have some. Grandpa repeats his earlier question and says that he isn't old enough yet.

A little while later the boy opens his tackle box and takes out a packet of sweets. Grandpa looks over and thinks that he would like one.

"Can I have one of your sweets, son?"

The kid looks at Grandpa and says to him, "Can you touch your a***h*** with your penis?"

"I most certainly can!" says Grandpa.

To which the boy replies, "Well then go f*** yourself then, you old b******."
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   Old Thread  #2048 12 Dec 2013 at 1.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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You beating everyone to it mate
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   Old Thread  #2047 12 Dec 2013 at 11.59am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
It's very very very quiet on here,what's everyone lost their sense of humour
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   Old Thread  #2046 8 Dec 2013 at 11.03am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife's doing an experiment.She's wearing a burka for a week to get people's reaction.So far she's been kicked,punched and spat at.F**k knows what's going to happen when she leaves the house!
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   Old Thread  #2045 8 Dec 2013 at 10.59am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Nelson Mandela's a legend and inspiration to every black man.
Never worked a day in his life and spent half of it in prison.
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