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   Old Thread  #2121 30 May 2014 at 8.01am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2120
Pensioner's reply re Tesco
Didn't like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local TESCO’ store
buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout
queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do,
on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn'’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd
lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most
of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works
is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well
and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in
queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from TESCO’.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world
to think of daft things to say.
Tel
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   Old Thread  #2120 30 May 2014 at 7.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2119
Golf or Sex?

A man is watching a game of golf on TV.

But he keeps switching channels to a movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex.

"I don't know whether to watch the couple or the golf game," he says to his wife.

"For Heaven's sake, watch the couple," his wife says.

"You already know how to play golf!"

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2119 12 May 2014 at 7.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Breaking news David Moyes has just signed for SKY!!!

He starts fitting his first satellite dish on Monday

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   Old Thread  #2118 28 Apr 2014 at 7.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2116
They gone from the chosen one to the cheating one..
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   Old Thread  #2117 28 Apr 2014 at 7.06pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2115
Quality mate....
That's a new one on me..
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   Old Thread  #2116 28 Apr 2014 at 7.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2115 28 Apr 2014 at 6.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What goes beep beep beep?





The Liverpool celebration open top bus reversing back into the garage!
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   Old Thread  #2114 22 Apr 2014 at 9.48am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Ryan giggs has said he's not interested in the Man U job and want time away from game to spend with his brothers family
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   Old Thread  #2113 9 Apr 2014 at 7.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
i joined my local boxing club and the trainer suggested skipping to get my fitness levels up ,
after an hour or so he handed me a rope and said try useing this , you wont look so gay
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   Old Thread  #2112 9 Apr 2014 at 2.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2111 7 Apr 2014 at 3.22pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2110
i was expecting the wife to give me some **** last night after getting home late from the pub.

luckily tho she fed it to the dog
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   Old Thread  #2110 6 Apr 2014 at 10.32am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2109
Meteorologists now believe the dust cloud sweeping the country did not come from the sahara but sombody opening the arsenal trophy cabinet
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   Old Thread  #2109 2 Apr 2014 at 9.10am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!


I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal. Then I realized that she is a dyslexic bitch and that she was trying to say she loves Alan, my best friend.

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   Old Thread  #2108 2 Apr 2014 at 9.09am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

I bought a new perfume for my wife called "Chloroform", but she says she doesn't like it any more as it makes her sleepy and her arse is sore when she wakes up.

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2107 2 Apr 2014 at 9.06am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.

Tel
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