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   Old Thread  #2109 2 Apr 2014 at 9.10am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!


I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal. Then I realized that she is a dyslexic bitch and that she was trying to say she loves Alan, my best friend.

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   Old Thread  #2108 2 Apr 2014 at 9.09am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

I bought a new perfume for my wife called "Chloroform", but she says she doesn't like it any more as it makes her sleepy and her arse is sore when she wakes up.

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2107 2 Apr 2014 at 9.06am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2106 28 Mar 2014 at 11.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
men in the north east think that putting out the wheelie bins each week
is the most romantic guesture.
as for most couples in newcastle it's where they had there first date
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   Old Thread  #2105 27 Mar 2014 at 5.12pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"It's a good job you're cute" said the girl I pulled, "cos you're probably the cheesiest bloke I've ever met."

"Whatever love" I replied, "just keep sucking."
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   Old Thread  #2104 19 Mar 2014 at 8.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Girls everywhere are posting selfies of themselves with no make up on to raise awareness of breast cancer.

Would it not make more sense to post pictures of their tits? That would get my attention.
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   Old Thread  #2103 17 Mar 2014 at 8.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Let's spare a thought for the man who told his wife that he was going to China on the Malaysian plane and now can't leave his girlfriend's apartment.
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   Old Thread  #2102 3 Mar 2014 at 8.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I stole a TV from my next door neighbour's kitchen but I think it's broken.

Every channel is a slow spinning bowl of porridge.
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   Old Thread  #2101 1 Mar 2014 at 8.03am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2100
That could be why you're single ralphy.
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   Old Thread  #2100 28 Feb 2014 at 11.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Message Suppressed by Forum Moderator.
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   Old Thread  #2099 23 Feb 2014 at 9.16pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I told my office junior that I'd promote her if she gave me a blow job.

She did, so I wrote: "Samantha gives great head" on the gent's wall.
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   Old Thread  #2098 23 Feb 2014 at 10.35am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Guy in the street shouts.."BLOW UP DOLLS 40!!-BLOW UP DOLLS 40!!"

Another guy walks past... "Hey mate.. I bought one of these yesterday and I blew it up and it went straight down"

Guy in the street shouts "BLOW UP DOLLS 70!!-BLOW UP DOLLS 70!!"
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   Old Thread  #2097 15 Feb 2014 at 1.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
It's a bad Valentine's Day when the lamppost by the pub gets more cards and flowers than I do.
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   Old Thread  #2096 5 Feb 2014 at 6.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Apparently scientists are saying semen is 'good for women's health and helps fight depression'

It makes sense, because it's normally the miserable ones who don't ****ing swallow in the first place.
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   Old Thread  #2095 5 Feb 2014 at 4.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "Quickie" with their 8 -year old
son in the flat, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on
all the street activities.

Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;

'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove past'

'Looks like the Anderson 's have visitors,' he called out.

'Matt's riding a new bike!'

'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'

'Jason is on his skateboard!

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a shag!

Startled , his mum and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar.'
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