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Joke Thread
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elltell

Posts: 1428

#2273 9 Apr 2015 at 10.40am

In reply to Post #2272
Well spotted. Never had any issues witt plagiarism
Tel

heathrow

Posts: 8292

#2272 8 Apr 2015 at 2.02pm

In reply to Post #2270
Was used in a barclay card advert on tv some years ago ....... as I remember

Dicky

Posts: 2346

#2271 8 Apr 2015 at 9.59am

In reply to Post #2270

elltell

Posts: 1428

#2270 7 Apr 2015 at 10.05pm

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home . As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door , the guy starts feeling horny . With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling , he says to her, "Honey, would you have sex with me?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" he asks, grinning at her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's to risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much!"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"No, no. I just can't"

"I'm begging you...."

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on , and the girl's older sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled , and in a sleepy voice,

she says :

"Dad says to go ahead and have sex with him, or I can do it...or if need be mum says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake, tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"

Tel

benjcarper

Posts: 9

#2269 6 Apr 2015 at 6.32am

In reply to Post #1
I love a good summertime water fight with the neighbourhood kids me and my kettle always win

ralph69

Posts: 10355

#2268 5 Apr 2015 at 8.40pm

In reply to Post #2265

elltell

Posts: 1428

#2267 5 Apr 2015 at 8.24pm

I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs so I called the RSPCA.

"That's terrible", the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not really sure, but it would explain the suitcase."

Tel

elltell

Posts: 1428

#2266 5 Apr 2015 at 8.21pm

The wife accused me of ruining her Birthday yesterday. "********" I said I didn't even know it was your Birthday.
Tel

elltell

Posts: 1428

#2265 5 Apr 2015 at 9.34am

A Japanese couple are arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex
Husband " Sukitaki"
Mojitaka!

"Wife replies : " Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!

Husband says angrily : " Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"

Wife, on her knees , literally begging "Mimi
nakondinda tinkouji!"

Husband shouts angrily "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!"

Now I can't believe you just sat there trying to read this you don't understand any Japanese .
You'll read anything as long as it's about sex

Tel

luckyjim

Posts: 3616

#2264 4 Apr 2015 at 5.01pm

A family from the south traveled north to a wedding reception, the sleeping arrangements were a bit tricky and left a 30 year old man and his dad sharing a double bed, after the bash most were drunk and went to bed, in the early hours the dad starts moving around and disturbing his son, whats a matter dad? oh I'm feeling a bit horny and I've a throbbing hard on so I'm gonna see yer mom and give her a right good portion, well you better take me with you it's my cock yer holding

ralph69

Posts: 10355

#2263 3 Apr 2015 at 9.11pm

In reply to Post #2261

elltell

Posts: 1428

#2262 3 Apr 2015 at 7.51am

In reply to Post #2261
Excellent

Tel

luckyjim

Posts: 3616

#2261 2 Apr 2015 at 5.40pm

Two guys in the maternity waiting room, the nurse comes in....Mr Wilson you are the father of a lovely girl, 5lb 4oz , well done mate said the other guy, the nurse comes back....Mr Smith you are the father of a big boy 8lb 6oz, Yeees shouts Smiffy built like a chimney stack, nurse comes back....its twins you have another boy 7lb 10oz oh yeah built like a chimney stack, nurse returns again Mr Smith its triplets this one is 7lb 4oz....eeeeha shouts Smiffy built like a chimney stack me, nurse says yeah well you better get it swept they're all black

elltell

Posts: 1428

#2260 31 Mar 2015 at 5.03am

Diarrhoea is hereditory it runs in your jean's !

Tel

elltell

Posts: 1428

#2259 29 Mar 2015 at 7.20am

I was staggering home from the pub the other night, and decided to take a short cut through the park. A woman came up to me in the shadows, and said "Fancy a shag luv"? Only twenty quid"

Well, I was drunk, I'd never been with a tart before, and it was only twenty quid, so I said yes.We were just getting into our stride when all of a sudden there was a flash of torch light and a cop's voice said "What's going on here, then?"

"I was just making love to my wife, Officer", I replied

"Oh, I'm sorry, sir, I didn't realise" said the cop

"Neither did I until you shone your torch in her face!"

Tel


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