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   Old Thread  #2149 8 Aug 2014 at 9.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
HUSBAND_____ I was talking to the window cleaner this morning, he's made love to every woman in this street except 1

WIFE_________Yeah I bet it's that bitch at number 24
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   Old Thread  #2148 29 Jul 2014 at 10.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a farmer puts an advert in the shop window...... job vacancy ,mole catcher wanted.
the village idiot applies , and gets the job.
the farmer tells him , its on the condition that he gives them a slow and painfull death.
he sees the idiot a couple of days later and he says , all sorted , can i have my pay please .
farmer asks , what have you done with them,
idiot says , i buried them alive
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   Old Thread  #2147 28 Jul 2014 at 10.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2146
Nicking that one
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   Old Thread  #2146 28 Jul 2014 at 4.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1


Mr. James Smith,
206 Andover Road,
Salisbury,
Wiltshire.

Dear Mr. Smith,

Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show.

I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her, and agree that she may possess the attributes we are
looking for in the show's contestants.

However, before we take this any further, I must point out that the name of the show is actually Fact Hunt.

In light of this, please let me know if we should proceed and contact the lady concerned.

Yours,

Charles Knight,
Light Entertainment,
BBC Television Centre,
London.

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2145 19 Jul 2014 at 10.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The police are looking for witnesses to a nearby hit and run last Friday night.

I didn't see anything when I went past but it wouldn't surprise me if it was the same c**t who threw a tricycle under my car.
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   Old Thread  #2144 10 Jul 2014 at 11.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2143 10 Jul 2014 at 11.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a pissed up geordie gets in his car one night and realises that its been broken into.
he rings the old bill and tells them , they've nicked the steering wheel , the dashboard ,
the brake , the clutch, then pauses and says , oh **** , sorry mate , im in the back
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   Old Thread  #2142 10 Jul 2014 at 8.10am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Ann Summers has announced it's going to start selling a lager-flavoured gel that is 5.3% alcohol, for women to rub on their fannies, in a bid to encourage men to perform oral sex. Campaigners have condemned the move, because of fears that it will lead to 24-hour ***** drinking.
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   Old Thread  #2141 9 Jul 2014 at 8.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I feel sorry for Julio Cesar tonight.

Last time I saw a Brazilian facing this many shots, he was jumping a ticket barrier at Stockwell.
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   Old Thread  #2140 9 Jul 2014 at 5.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
That semi last night was even more embarrassing than the 1 I got the time I went to watch broke back mountain with Rolf Harris
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   Old Thread  #2139 9 Jul 2014 at 4.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The Meteorological Office announced that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as English Weather. Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population , it will now be referred to a " Muslim Weather"

( Partly Sunni but mostly Shi'ite ? )
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   Old Thread  #2138 8 Jul 2014 at 8.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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theres an englishman a Scot and a paddy training for war in the desert the drill sergeant comes up to the englishman and asks if you were stranded in the desert and you had the choice of one item what would you you choose water says the englishman so i can stay hydrated very good says the sergeant he goes to the scot and asks the same question the scot replies a wide brimmed hat to keep the sun off me very good sergeant moves on to the paddy and asks the same question a car door replies the irish man what the **** do you want with a car door in the desert said the sergeant the paddy replies if it gets to hot i can always wind the window down
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   Old Thread  #2137 8 Jul 2014 at 7.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Did you know you are supposed to pull anal beads out slowly? I didn't... I started the wife up like a f***ing chainsaw.
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   Old Thread  #2136 8 Jul 2014 at 7.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Oscar Pistorius has said he won't be entering any further races.

I think he has to worry more about different races entering him, once he's in prison.

First Tiger Woods, then Lance Armstrong, and now Oscar Pistorius. I think Nike should start telling their athletes "Don't Do It"

When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

and one for the chelsea fans

Oscar Pistorius has murdered his girlfriend.

Proof that even a man with no legs has a better shot than Fernando Torres.
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   Old Thread  #2135 6 Jul 2014 at 10.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2134

Tel
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