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   Old Thread  #2156 14 Aug 2014 at 9.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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, thats quality
goat shaggers
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   Old Thread  #2155 14 Aug 2014 at 5.08pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Police have finally tracked Cliff Richard down in his local Subway.

Although he claimed he was Hank Marvin at the time of questioning.
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   Old Thread  #2154 13 Aug 2014 at 5.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2153 12 Aug 2014 at 4.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2152 12 Aug 2014 at 3.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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The Queen was visiting Scotland and Alex Salmond called by.
>
> HM: How nice to see you Mr Salmond.
>
> AS: Nice to see you Maíam. Now, what are we going to call Scotland
> when we win Independence? How about calling it a Kingdom, and then Iíll
> be a King?
>
> HM: No, we donít like that.
>
> AS: Alright, so how about calling it a Principality, and then Iíll be a
> Prince?
>
> HM: .... (thinks).... No Mr Salmond, I think we should call it a
> Country.
>
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   Old Thread  #2151 12 Aug 2014 at 2.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2150 12 Aug 2014 at 2.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2149 8 Aug 2014 at 9.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
HUSBAND_____ I was talking to the window cleaner this morning, he's made love to every woman in this street except 1

WIFE_________Yeah I bet it's that bitch at number 24
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   Old Thread  #2148 29 Jul 2014 at 10.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a farmer puts an advert in the shop window...... job vacancy ,mole catcher wanted.
the village idiot applies , and gets the job.
the farmer tells him , its on the condition that he gives them a slow and painfull death.
he sees the idiot a couple of days later and he says , all sorted , can i have my pay please .
farmer asks , what have you done with them,
idiot says , i buried them alive
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   Old Thread  #2147 28 Jul 2014 at 10.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Nicking that one
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   Old Thread  #2146 28 Jul 2014 at 4.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1


Mr. James Smith,
206 Andover Road,
Salisbury,
Wiltshire.

Dear Mr. Smith,

Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show.

I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her, and agree that she may possess the attributes we are
looking for in the show's contestants.

However, before we take this any further, I must point out that the name of the show is actually Fact Hunt.

In light of this, please let me know if we should proceed and contact the lady concerned.

Yours,

Charles Knight,
Light Entertainment,
BBC Television Centre,
London.

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2145 19 Jul 2014 at 10.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The police are looking for witnesses to a nearby hit and run last Friday night.

I didn't see anything when I went past but it wouldn't surprise me if it was the same c**t who threw a tricycle under my car.
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   Old Thread  #2144 10 Jul 2014 at 11.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2143 10 Jul 2014 at 11.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a pissed up geordie gets in his car one night and realises that its been broken into.
he rings the old bill and tells them , they've nicked the steering wheel , the dashboard ,
the brake , the clutch, then pauses and says , oh **** , sorry mate , im in the back
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   Old Thread  #2142 10 Jul 2014 at 8.10am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Ann Summers has announced it's going to start selling a lager-flavoured gel that is 5.3% alcohol, for women to rub on their fannies, in a bid to encourage men to perform oral sex. Campaigners have condemned the move, because of fears that it will lead to 24-hour ***** drinking.
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