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   Old Thread  #2242 18 Mar 2015 at 8.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2241
A woman goes to the opticians for an eye test, the optician covers her left eye and says read the letters on the chart, she says sorry I can't read any of them, so he covers her right eye and says can you read any of them now, no I'm sorry I can't see any at all, he unzips his fly and unleashes the beast and says can you see that, oh yes I can see that alright, that's your problem then, what!! your cock eyed
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   Old Thread  #2241 17 Mar 2015 at 10.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Paddys in court on a armed robbery charge , the jury return to give their verdict .
Not guilty , says the judge .
Excellent shouts paddy , does that mean I can keep the money
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   Old Thread  #2240 17 Mar 2015 at 10.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Two paddys leave a bar .................... Well , it could happen
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   Old Thread  #2239 17 Mar 2015 at 10.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
two men on the 8.15 train from Reading to London, after a while one says that's it done the Times crossword as he folds his newspaper, the other man says I'm stuck on 7 across, female relation, 4 letters ending with UNT, why it's AUNT of course, just then a vicar pops his head round the seat and says anyone got a rubber?
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   Old Thread  #2238 16 Mar 2015 at 3.14pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

A schoolteacher asks her class “what is the fastest thing you know of”?

Sarah: A thought miss, when you think it happens in an instant.

Very good Sarah, anyone else?

Robert: A blink miss, it happens before you realize it.

OK, any more?

Jane: Light miss, when you turn on the light switch its there before you know it.

Well done everybody,

Billy sticks his hand up and shout's diarrhoea miss, last week on the way to the toilet before I could Think, Blink, and turn the light on I’d s*** myself.

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   Old Thread  #2237 10 Mar 2015 at 9.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Pulled up at the lights in my van today and farted , it stank, laughing to myself I wound the window down
For some fresh air .
This little sort pulls up next to me , glances across , starts smiling and winds her window down ,
I said to her , have you farted aswell
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   Old Thread  #2236 10 Mar 2015 at 8.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I gave a bird a lift in my car the other day, she kept looking at me and eventually said "can you drive with one hand" oh yes I replied, well wipe yer f****** nose yer making me sick
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   Old Thread  #2235 6 Mar 2015 at 9.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A doctor visits a patient in the recovery ward, he says I've got good news and bad news, whats the bad news? asks the patient, your good foot has been amputated by mistake then the bad foot had to be done as well, OK whats the good news?, the guy in the end bed wants to buy your slippers
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   Old Thread  #2234 6 Mar 2015 at 8.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2233 6 Mar 2015 at 8.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A doctor goes into a ward to see a pregnant lady who's had bad stomach cramps and fears for her
Unborn child, well dear he says , there's good and bad news, we've run some tests and the bad news is
It's got ginger hair . Oh no , she cries , what's the good news , doc replies , it's dead
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   Old Thread  #2232 6 Mar 2015 at 8.22pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two little kids in prams outside Tesco

1st Hello

2nd Hello (blushing slightly )

1st I've been watching you

2nd have you

1st yeah, your a girl ain't yer

2nd yes I am

1st I thought so, your lovely and I wish I was in your pram
with you in fact I wish I was in your nappy with you

2nd you do........why is that

1st I've filled mine
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   Old Thread  #2231 4 Mar 2015 at 9.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2230 4 Mar 2015 at 9.22pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Don't worry about that, beauty is only a light switch away
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   Old Thread  #2229 3 Mar 2015 at 6.08pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Had to ring the old bill in the pub last night as I had two birds fighting over me ,
The copper said to me , what's wrong with that,
I said , the fat ugly ones winning
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   Old Thread  #2228 27 Feb 2015 at 7.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2223
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