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   Old Thread  #2276 10 Apr 2015 at 9.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A stunning blonde and an old git go's for a job as a lion tamer, the ringmaster say's who's first? I'll go says the blonde, she gets in the cage the door slams behind her the lion comes in roaring and snarling gets right up close to her when she throws off her coat to reveal a drop dead gorgeous body you'd die for, the lion lays down on the ground and crawls up to her then starts licking her all over, the ringmaster looks at the old git and says can you do that? yeah course i can but you gotta get that f****** lion out of there first.
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   Old Thread  #2275 10 Apr 2015 at 1.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Farmer Brown calls in a surveyor, good morning Mr Brown how can I help you? I want a conservatory like them there town houses, first of all you will need good footings, ooo ah I'll leave that to the builders, OK next you will need strong roof joists at 400mm centers to take the weight of snow etc, ah well the builders can look after that, I see you have an outside toilet will that be staying? ah ah oh yeah we've always had an outside thunder-box, well in that case you will have to have a lock on the door, o ah that's funny we've not had a bucket of s*** nicked in 20 years
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   Old Thread  #2274 10 Apr 2015 at 7.36am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
got a great tip off me mate for the grand national , so good put your house on it >>>>> dusty carpet its never been beaten !!
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   Old Thread  #2273 9 Apr 2015 at 10.40am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2272
Well spotted. Never had any issues witt plagiarism
Tel
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   Old Thread  #2272 8 Apr 2015 at 2.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Was used in a barclay card advert on tv some years ago ....... as I remember
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   Old Thread  #2271 8 Apr 2015 at 9.59am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2270 7 Apr 2015 at 10.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home . As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door , the guy starts feeling horny . With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling , he says to her, "Honey, would you have sex with me?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" he asks, grinning at her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's to risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much!"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"No, no. I just can't"

"I'm begging you...."


Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on , and the girl's older sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled , and in a sleepy voice,

she says :


"Dad says to go ahead and have sex with him, or I can do it...or if need be mum says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake, tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"


Tel
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   Old Thread  #2269 6 Apr 2015 at 6.32am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
I love a good summertime water fight with the neighbourhood kids me and my kettle always win
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   Old Thread  #2268 5 Apr 2015 at 8.40pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2267 5 Apr 2015 at 8.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs so I called the RSPCA.

"That's terrible", the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not really sure, but it would explain the suitcase."

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2266 5 Apr 2015 at 8.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife accused me of ruining her Birthday yesterday. "********" I said I didn't even know it was your Birthday.
Tel

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   Old Thread  #2265 5 Apr 2015 at 9.34am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!


A Japanese couple are arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex
Husband " Sukitaki"
Mojitaka!

"Wife replies : " Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!

Husband says angrily : " Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"

Wife, on her knees , literally begging "Mimi
nakondinda tinkouji!"

Husband shouts angrily "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!"






Now I can't believe you just sat there trying to read this you don't understand any Japanese .
You'll read anything as long as it's about sex

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2264 4 Apr 2015 at 5.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A family from the south traveled north to a wedding reception, the sleeping arrangements were a bit tricky and left a 30 year old man and his dad sharing a double bed, after the bash most were drunk and went to bed, in the early hours the dad starts moving around and disturbing his son, whats a matter dad? oh I'm feeling a bit horny and I've a throbbing hard on so I'm gonna see yer mom and give her a right good portion, well you better take me with you it's my cock yer holding
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   Old Thread  #2263 3 Apr 2015 at 9.11pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2262 3 Apr 2015 at 7.51am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2261
Excellent
Tel
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