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   Old Thread  #2310 1 Jul 2015 at 9.43pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
Sweating like a Greek MP on the phone to Wonga.....
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   Old Thread  #2309 28 Jun 2015 at 1.18pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My old uncle suffered from water on the knee in his younger years, the doc suggested getting a pair of drain pipe trousers as he was a teddy boy
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   Old Thread  #2308 28 Jun 2015 at 12.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The young girl next door bought some new knickers made by Tupperware, she say's they're not that comfortable but they do keep everything fresh.
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   Old Thread  #2307 19 Jun 2015 at 8.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My mate Mark phoned me up last night, I said wot you phoning me for at 4 o'clock in the morning? he said I can't sleep there was somebody outside my window calling me, who was it? nobody was there except a dog with a hair-lip barking.
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   Old Thread  #2306 19 Jun 2015 at 6.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2305 18 Jun 2015 at 1.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Marvelman: Hello Superman what have you been up to today?

Superman: Oh just flying around putting the world to right.

Marvelman: that must get boring after a while.

Superman: yeah it doe's but I spotted Wonderwoman sun bathing in the nude so I flew down at the speed of light and
give her one.

Marvelman: Blimey I bet that surprised her.

Superman: yeah but not as much as the surprise the Invisible man got who was giving her one at the time.

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   Old Thread  #2304 11 Jun 2015 at 8.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!




A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on a plane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you do not eat pork?"
"Yes, that is still one of our laws." The priest then asked, Have you ever eaten pork? "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
A while later, the rabbi said "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
"Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
"Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith." The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, and sat thinking, for a while.
Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
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   Old Thread  #2303 10 Jun 2015 at 10.51am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
BREAKING NEWS
It has been reported that at the junction of the M25 and A1M a massive hole has appeared in the road and the police are looking into it.

An elephant was seen on the M1 doing a ton, the AA suggest drive carefully and treat it as a roundabout.
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   Old Thread  #2302 6 Jun 2015 at 1.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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My mate thinks he's smart , he told me that an onion is the only food that makes you cry
So I threw a coconut at his face
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   Old Thread  #2301 30 May 2015 at 11.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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A man walks into the doctors and says , " every time I masturbate I shout , come on arsenal"
The doctor replies " most w@nkers do "
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   Old Thread  #2300 30 May 2015 at 9.08pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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A fat bird started chatting me up in the club last night and I mentioned I'd just had my birthday this week.

"Well, happy birthday, sexy," she purred, stroking down my chest. "If I come back to yours tonight, could you put a smile on my face?"

"Probably not," I told her. "There's no cake left."
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   Old Thread  #2299 28 May 2015 at 3.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Blimey , that Kym marsh don't hang around .
After her latest love split , she's only gone and married Steve Macdonald
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   Old Thread  #2298 21 May 2015 at 8.14pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I was trying to remember the one about a line of elephants each holding the tail with their trunk of the one in front crossing a railway line and the train hit them and pulls them inside out.

Anyone know this one?
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   Old Thread  #2297 21 May 2015 at 1.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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The old ones are always the best
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   Old Thread  #2296 19 May 2015 at 7.11pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!


Judy married Ted; they had 13 children. Ted died.
She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Judy remarried again, and this time, she & John had 5
more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He
thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend,
Margaret: "Do you think he means her first, second, or
third husband?"
Margaret replied: "I think he means her legs,
Ethel!"
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