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   Old Thread  #36 5 Mar 2012 at 7.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Since January 2011, Fernando Torres has had more managers than goals.
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   Old Thread  #35 4 Mar 2012 at 9.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
TEXTING for over 40s

The kids have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes for the more matured.....

ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kickin In!
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   Old Thread  #31 4 Mar 2012 at 5.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
To save time and money, Chelsea have sacked their next manager too.
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   Old Thread  #30 3 Mar 2012 at 6.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
'Sheffield Wednesday appoint Dave Jones as their new manager.'Sounds like a busy week for him... Considering he died on Wednesday.
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   Old Thread  #29 3 Mar 2012 at 6.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Went to a fancy dress party last weekend as a loaf of bread... f**k me the birds were all over me
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   Old Thread  #28 3 Mar 2012 at 7.23am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A lottery winner, from London, hassaid he wants to buy west ham, Though he states "I would have chosen abigger club if I had got more than threenumbers".
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   Old Thread  #27 2 Mar 2012 at 9.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #23
No, i wouldnt want my kids wife etc in here.... But thats why its a Forum for members.... Thus keeping my mum from here because she's not part of this social group
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   Old Thread  #26 2 Mar 2012 at 5.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
As a struggling actor I was thrilled when my agent phoned with an audition.

"The part's made for you," he said. "They want someone your age, height and build with an accent like yours, and it's being filmed about 5 minutes from your house."

"It sounds perfect!" I replied excitedly. "What is it?"

"It's a Crimewatch rape reconstruction."

"Erm... No... I'm busy that day..."
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   Old Thread  #25 2 Mar 2012 at 3.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #24
i was surprised that the forum didnt moderate them and allow the thread to continue

We have a busy enough time Moderating the Classifieds as well as the rest of the forum so to spend ages ploughing through toilet humour would not be welcome.
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   Old Thread  #24 2 Mar 2012 at 3.40pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #23
very true, Ken. i couldnt believe some of the jokes that were posted in this thread. although some of the more dodgy jokes may have been funny, i was surprised that the forum didnt moderate them and allow the thread to continue. it kind of snowballed, up to the point where the whole lot got chopped.
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   Old Thread  #23 2 Mar 2012 at 3.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #6
looks like this threads been ruined now,only decent thing on the forum

Doesn't say a lot for the rest of it then, does it?

Ask yourself this when posting...Would you like your kids, wife, mother or girlfriend to hear it? If the answer is no, then don't post it.

We have young kids as well as women as members so just because YOU don't find something offensive it does not mean that NOBODY is going to take offence.
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   Old Thread  #22 2 Mar 2012 at 11.39am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #21
You forgot one

What do you call a scouser in a suit ? ..... the accused

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   Old Thread  #21 2 Mar 2012 at 6.01am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
apologies if any been on here before and to any of our scouse friends,
got sent by e-mail and thought i'd share.

A Liverpool girl enters an adult shop and asks for a vibrator.
The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall." She says "I'll take
that red one."
The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher."


Q. What do you call a 27 year old Liverpool girl?
A. Granny.


Q. What do you call a Liverpool girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. What does a Liverpool girl use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.

Q. There are two Liverpool girls in a car without any music - who is
driving?
A. The policeman..

Q. What's the most confusing day in Liverpool ?
A. Father's day

Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in Liverpool ?
A. You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!



Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Chelsea fan?'
'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan, so I'm a Chelsea fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is
no reason for you to be a Chelsea fan. You don't have to be just like
your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and
your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.____

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God!
The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit. ____


A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up
to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing.
We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to
drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The
hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort
the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The Salary package is
200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said 'You're bull****ting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!' ____


Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a
suspicious object was discovered in a car.
It later turned out to be a tax disc
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   Old Thread  #20 1 Mar 2012 at 7.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
teacher says to class "gimme a 10 letter word" a boy says " masturbate" teacher says "ooh that's a mouthful" boy replies "no that's a blow job and that's only 7
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   Old Thread  #19 1 Mar 2012 at 6.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #14
bereaver...
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