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   Old Thread  #104 12 Apr 2012 at 7.02am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I found my girlfriend dead in the bed the other day. She just lay there lifeless, so I deceided to s.ag her one last time. All of a sudden she jumped up and shouted BOO!!! Honestly some people are sick in the fcuking head
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   Old Thread  #103 12 Apr 2012 at 6.59am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I looked on the roof of the supermarket today, to see a fat chick standing up there."What are you doing?" I shouted up to her."I'm sick of being teased about my weight!" She cried. "I'm killing my self.""Come on, there's kids round," I replied. "And they'll start singing fcuking Humpty Dumpty
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   Old Thread  #102 12 Apr 2012 at 6.56am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
This chap went to India for a cheap penis extension operation.The surgeon said, "I can fit you with a baby elephant's trunk for 3000 pounds.""Excellent," said the chap. "Go ahead."6 weeks later he's having dinner with his new girlfriend when his new cock shoots out of his trousers, steals an apple off the table and disappears back inside his trousers."That was amazing," said his girlfriend. "Can you do it again?""Sorry," he said, "I don't think my ar.e could manage another apple
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   Old Thread  #101 11 Apr 2012 at 10.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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sik by name
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   Old Thread  #100 9 Apr 2012 at 9.06pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #99 9 Apr 2012 at 12.12pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I said, "Gran, I think this milk is off."She said,
Well, it's been along time since anyone sucked my nipples
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   Old Thread  #98 7 Apr 2012 at 7.19am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Went swimming the other day and while at the deep end I decided to have a cheeky Piss.
Unfortunatly the life guard spotted me and I tell you what.
He blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in
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   Old Thread  #97 5 Apr 2012 at 2.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A guy walks into a bar and drinks ten pints of lager, then he says to the barman "Do you sell shorts?". Barman says "Of course we do." Good" he says, "Gimme a pair cause I just pissed myself!"

Guy walks into a bar and says "Can I have a packet of helicopter flavoured crisps?" Barman says "Sorry, we've only got plane."

Bloke sat at a table in the pub enjoying a nice pint of bitter. Woman walks over to him, puts her bum over his glass and farts into it, she casually walks away back to the bar. Bloke goes over to her and says "You fart in my Whitbread?" "No" she says, "I'm Tessa Sanderson".
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   Old Thread  #96 4 Apr 2012 at 6.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What is the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? The pickpocket spends his time snatching watches.
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   Old Thread  #95 4 Apr 2012 at 6.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Snow....Gods way of saying "stay in and save your petrol because its too ****ing expensive"
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   Old Thread  #94 2 Apr 2012 at 1.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Wikipedia has printed the following clarification :-

James Cameron is a man who directed a film about a captain steering his ship inexorably towards disaster
David Cameron is an English Prime Minister

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   Old Thread  #93 2 Apr 2012 at 1.14pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
FOR SALE - 5 million shares in The British Jerry Can Co

Applications to Francis Maude, House of Commons, Westminster

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   Old Thread  #92 1 Apr 2012 at 7.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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My girlfriend and I broke up due to religious differences...

She failed to worship me.
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   Old Thread  #91 31 Mar 2012 at 9.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Our Grandad died of a Viagra overdose.

To this day, we still regret not burying him just a few inches deeper.
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   Old Thread  #90 30 Mar 2012 at 9.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #83
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