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   Old Thread  #151 2 Jun 2012 at 11.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
An Englishman, an Irish man, and a Scotsman have all had the Liverpool job. No wonder the clubs a joke
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   Old Thread  #150 2 Jun 2012 at 11.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
If Euro 2012 is being held in Poland, shouldn't England have qualified as co-hosts?
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   Old Thread  #149 2 Jun 2012 at 11.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Me and the wife like to do it doggy style. First I beg, then she rolls over and plays dead.
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   Old Thread  #148 31 May 2012 at 6.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Breaking news: Police arrest drunk middle-aged woman screaming "Where are you? Let's be avin' you" outside Paul Lambert's house.
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   Old Thread  #147 30 May 2012 at 5.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #146
"Have you ever tried Ethopian food?..."

"no"


"Neither have they"
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   Old Thread  #146 29 May 2012 at 9.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #145
My boss called me today and said, "Where the hell are you?"

I said, "I'm relaxing in the garden with my mate Dave. I'm already on my fourth can of lager."

"I don't ****ing believe you!" he shouted.

"Hang on," I said, holding the phone away from me. "Dave, isn't this my fourth can?"
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   Old Thread  #145 25 May 2012 at 8.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My girlfriend said "No more going to the strip club with your mates.... I've decided to strip for you right here in our flat"

I said "Great! ...... I'll call the boys and tell them to bring beer"
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   Old Thread  #144 22 May 2012 at 11.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #131
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   Old Thread  #143 22 May 2012 at 9.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I met a girl in the pub. We chatted and got drunk and I ended up at hers.

"Listen" I said, "I'm not very experienced and when I'm with a girl for the first time I do suffer from a bit of premature ejaculation."

"Well we can take it slow, babe," she winked. "How premature?"

"Remember earlier in the pub, when you asked me about sex?"

"Yeah?"

"Then."
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   Old Thread  #142 22 May 2012 at 7.08pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Turns out John Terry didn't sleep with Bridge's ex after all, someone else did and he just took the credit
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   Old Thread  #141 22 May 2012 at 6.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #140
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   Old Thread  #140 22 May 2012 at 6.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Didier Drogba has confirmed that he is to leave Chelsea when his contract ends and is rumoured to be heading to China next month... The Chinese Olympic diving coach, Zhou Jihong, says he'll be a welcome addition to his squad for the summer games.
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   Old Thread  #139 21 May 2012 at 1.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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John Terry is going to his daughter's sports day tomorrow...he's wearing his PE kit incase she wins
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   Old Thread  #138 20 May 2012 at 8.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've decided to take the John Terry approach to dinner tonight.I'm going to put on my chef hat to serve up the Sunday roast after my Mum spent all day cooking it.
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   Old Thread  #137 20 May 2012 at 3.12pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.

"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
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