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   Old Thread  #2390 18 Jan 2016 at 9.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A major British snack food company has decided to honour Tim Peake's recent history-making space walk, by renaming one of their most popular biscuits after him.

McVities 'Gingernauts' will be available at all leading food retailers in the near future.

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   Old Thread  #2389 16 Jan 2016 at 2.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2388
4m for Charlie Austin - Southampton are getting someone with experience - they'll not get lost next year driving to the other Championship grounds...
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   Old Thread  #2388 16 Jan 2016 at 12.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My girlfriend used Vaseline on a handjob today.

I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off.

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   Old Thread  #2387 13 Jan 2016 at 6.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Do you know what the first sign of Madness is ,
Suggs walking up you're drive
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   Old Thread  #2386 12 Jan 2016 at 3.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I learned a lot from my ex wife before we split up.

I found out a group of sharks is called a Shiver, a group of flamingoes is called a Flamboyance, a group of goldfish is called a Troubling, a group of buffaloes is called an Obstinance and a threesome with Mike and Tony is called A couple of drinks with the girls after work.

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   Old Thread  #2385 12 Jan 2016 at 11.12am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Sean Connery walks into a cake shop in Sauchiehall Street and says to the woman serving, "Is that a macaroon or a meringue?"

The woman replies, "No your right, it's a macaroon"
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   Old Thread  #2384 10 Jan 2016 at 7.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2383 8 Jan 2016 at 7.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I went down to the morgue to identify my wife's body when just before the Mortician lifted the sheet some gas escaped resulting in a farting sound.

"I'm sorry, " he said, "this happens sometimes. "

"No need to lift the sheet, " I replied, "I would recognise that smell anywhere. "

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   Old Thread  #2382 5 Jan 2016 at 9.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Why are some people so thick . Was out with my dog today this bloke came up to me and said what's that ?
So I told him , it's a dog
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   Old Thread  #2381 4 Jan 2016 at 5.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A woman goes to the doctor and says I think I'm pregnant will you examine me so I know for sure, OK says doc get your kit off and jump on this (pointing to the couch) after a brief fondle in all departments the doc says no....it's wind, thank you says woman and goes home to tell her husband, a week goes bye and she visits the doc again.....I'm sure I'm pregnant will you check again for me........after another fondle in the canyon and everywhere else he says no as I said before its wind.....oh OK she says.....goes home and tells the old fella the news.....NO NO that's not right I'll come with you....doc confirms to them both "its wind".......the old geezer says your 100% sure.....yes says the doc.....with that the fella slaps his bobby dangler on the desk and says.....what do you think this is.........a bloody bicycle pump.
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   Old Thread  #2380 3 Jan 2016 at 3.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2379 3 Jan 2016 at 1.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I saw a woman coming out of a building chanting "I MUST I MUST IMPROVE MY BUST" I said to her what's this all about, she said its a new type of enlargement therapy, I thought I would investigate, as I went into the lobby a guy came out chanting "HICKORY DICKORY DOCK
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   Old Thread  #2378 3 Jan 2016 at 12.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Wife says to husband what would you say if you caught me in bed with your best friend
I'd call you a lesbian

no no what if it was a mas, what would you do I'd kick his guide dog
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   Old Thread  #2377 1 Jan 2016 at 9.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
2 New Years Resolutions:

- Wash hands after taking a sh1t at work.

- Improve on my Big Mac preparation time.

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   Old Thread  #2376 1 Jan 2016 at 6.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2375
Bloke says to his missus , why don't you tell me when you've had an orgasm?
She says , because I don't like ringing you at work
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