CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop Fishy Forums
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
Great-Blondini is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Great-Blondini (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Great-Blondini
Posts: 11488
[ MODERATOR ]
   Old Thread  #237 28 Jul 2012 at 3.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #236
Mr-Bean-Laden is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Mr-Bean-Laden (Andrew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 1918
   Old Thread  #236 28 Jul 2012 at 2.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Having watched the opening ceremony, I must say...

I've seen better Bond girls.
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #235 25 Jul 2012 at 10.10am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Susan Boyle has just released her new book .... "50 shaves a day
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #234 25 Jul 2012 at 9.02am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I called around to my new girlfriend's place last night with a big bunch of flowers for her. She opened the door, saw the flowers, and dragged me inside. She laid back on the couch, pulled her skirt up, ripped her knickers off and said, "This is for the flowers.""Don't be silly', I replied, 'You must have a vase somewhere
jimmyAd is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of jimmyAd (Jim)
Contact details supplied to MODs
jimmyAd
Posts: 8415
   Old Thread  #233 24 Jul 2012 at 9.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Last night I was.sat on the edge of the bed pulling of my boxers and the wife said to me....please dont do that to the dogs.

She told me that a small penis doesnt bother her during sex...personally I would rather she didnt have one
carpy09 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of carpy09 (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
carpy09
Posts: 11883
   Old Thread  #232 24 Jul 2012 at 8.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #229
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #231 24 Jul 2012 at 8.22pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology which was explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions ". The husband turned to his wife and said, "That is an absolute bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest d*ck."
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22622
   Old Thread  #230 24 Jul 2012 at 7.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #229
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #229 24 Jul 2012 at 7.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

Little Johnny is taking a shower
with his mother and says, "Mom,
what are those things on your
chest!?" Unsure of how to reply,
she tells Johnny to ask his dad at
breakfast tomorrow, quite
certain the matter would be
forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The
following morning he asked his
father the same question. His
father, always quick with the
answers, says, "Why Johnny,
those are balloons. When your
mommy dies, we can blow them
up and she'll float to heaven."
Johnny thinks that's neat and
asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnny's dad
comes home from work a few
hours early. Johnny runs out of
the house crying hysterically,
"Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's
dying!!" His father says, "Calm
down son! Why do you think
Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is
blowing up Mommy's balloons
and she's screaming, "Oh God,
I'm coming
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #228 22 Jul 2012 at 6.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #227
A African bloke walked into my pub holding a bucket this afternoon.
He handed me the bucket and said,"can you fill this up with water?"
i said; "f--k sake how many miles have you walked for this?"
He said,
"none you cheeky c--t l'm the window cleaner."
carpy09 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of carpy09 (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
carpy09
Posts: 11883
   Old Thread  #227 21 Jul 2012 at 10.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #224
Mr-Bean-Laden is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Mr-Bean-Laden (Andrew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 1918
   Old Thread  #226 20 Jul 2012 at 10.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #224
D_Viper is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of D_Viper (Dodge)
D_Viper
Posts: 3119
   Old Thread  #225 20 Jul 2012 at 9.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #224
whitey1664 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of whitey1664 (Baa baa)
whitey1664
Posts: 1726
   Old Thread  #224 20 Jul 2012 at 9.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22622
   Old Thread  #223 20 Jul 2012 at 8.57pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #222
Page: 161 of 176  
  
   Copyright 2002-2019  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk