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   Old Thread  #295 1 Sept 2012 at 10.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #288
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   Old Thread  #294 1 Sept 2012 at 10.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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quality
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   Old Thread  #293 1 Sept 2012 at 9.41pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Apparently FIFA 13 is so realistic that if you start a season as Spurs, it's impossible to finish above Arsenal..
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   Old Thread  #292 1 Sept 2012 at 9.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #286
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   Old Thread  #291 1 Sept 2012 at 6.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
There was a survey on why men liked blowjobs 5% liked the look , 15% liked the feel and the other 80% liked the silence ......
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   Old Thread  #290 1 Sept 2012 at 9.53am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I called my ex today and she said, "Stop stalking me? I have a restraining order against you which says you aren't allowed within 50 metres of me.""I know. I just thought you might like a game of frisbee later
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   Old Thread  #289 1 Sept 2012 at 9.51am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Shall we go back to my place, then?" I asked the girl in the bar. "But I hardly know you!" she protested. I stared at her. "You've not been a prostitute for long have you?"
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   Old Thread  #288 1 Sept 2012 at 9.50am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I thought i'd be nice and buy the wife some lingerie."Thanks honey but this is a girls training bra" she said,"I know", i replied "i was hoping we could re-train yours, they're down to your knee's
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   Old Thread  #287 1 Sept 2012 at 9.49am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I took a girl back to my flat last night and we done it doggy style all night.We didn't plan it that way, that's just how she passed out.
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   Old Thread  #286 1 Sept 2012 at 9.41am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A man wanted to have sex with his secretary, he said to her, i will give you 1000 dollar i will throw it on the floor you will bend down and i will be through before you pick it. The woman called her husband on phone and told him about it. The husband says, ask him for 3000 dollar and make sure you pick the money fast before he zips down. After waiting for the wife's call about 1hr the husband calls and asked what hapened? the wife replied. Honey call me back please, The Idiot used Coins!!!
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   Old Thread  #285 1 Sept 2012 at 9.08am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I'm not exactly saying my mate's good with the women... but put it this way - he's seen more f**cking t**t than John terrys bathroom mirror.
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   Old Thread  #284 28 Aug 2012 at 2.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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paul gascoine been spotted in essex with a tin of whiskers
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   Old Thread  #283 28 Aug 2012 at 7.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Sky Reporter "So Peter, What would you be if you weren't a footballer?"..Peter Crouch "A Virgin".
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   Old Thread  #282 27 Aug 2012 at 5.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a thug,a racist,an adulterer and a footballer walk in to a pub.
the barman says,"what can i get you Mr Terry?"
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   Old Thread  #281 24 Aug 2012 at 2.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I have a little Sat nav
It sits there in my car
- A Sat nav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are -

I have a little Sat nav
I'll have it all my life
Itís better than the normal ones
My Sat nav is my wife

It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other road user
Has this advanced device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice

It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's very fraught
So why don't I just trade it in
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
And makes sure I am fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And keeps me warm in bed

Despite all these advantages
I know I've friends who scoff
The truth is I can't find the way
To turn the damned thing off.
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