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In reply to Post #509
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says,"This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache"
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
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In reply to Post #508
I think I might have put my clocks back a bit too far. I've just seen on the news that Gary Glitter has been arrested for being a paedophile.
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My mate was in the pub going on about the amazing sex he had last night with his girlfriend.
''Oh,she was a real dirty bitch,wanted it every way"
I well and truely smashed her back doors in.
Unfortunately for him she overheard his boasting whilst making her way back to the table.
''Excuse me love,with a dick that small,it felt more like you were just picking the lock''.
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come".
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
And the Indian replies, "Ear sticky"...
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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Woman finds her hubby in bed with a female midget! furious, she screams 'You promised you wouldn't cheat again!' Husband says 'Can't you see I've cut down
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In reply to Post #501
 
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Just bought the wife some crotchless knickers for Halloween. Nothing sexual. Just gives her a much better grip on her broomstick.
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In reply to Post #501
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Tony blackburn was invited to a pool party.When he turned up he had Jimmy Savile and Gary Glitter with him.The host said to Blackburn,"you deaf b-----d,i said bring a pair of speedos!!"
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Today my wife said she had a head cold.I said "its probably caused by you being a fat b-----d.""how can being fat cause a cold?",she asked.I said,"coz your heads never out of the f---king fridge!!"
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In reply to Post #499
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I wish everyone would stop criticising Jimmy Savile. When I was 8, he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded.
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The iPad Mini
For when you haven't got enough space in your bag for an iPad but still want to show people that you're a c#%t.
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"you spend far too much time on that computer"
Possibly a bit harsh,but as one of Stephen hawking's closest friends,i felt someone had to tell him.
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My girlfriend got the sack today.
That will teach her for sleeping with her mouth open
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NON Carp stuff