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   Old Thread  #431 10 Oct 2012 at 4.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!


Fifty Shades of Grey Hair.....The missus bought a Paperback

down W H Smith, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
T’was “fifty shades of grey”.


Well I just left her to it,
At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…..

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Doris hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Doris bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and…
Said…. I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Doris,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.

She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought what the hell,
Stepped forward,
and stood on her left t.t!

Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one”!!

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,….
Turned “fifty shades of Grey”.

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   Old Thread  #430 10 Oct 2012 at 1.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

The Pope was having a shower. Although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the Papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air.

"Hold on a minute!" said the Pope "You can't do that - you'll destroy the reputation of the Church!"
"This is my lottery win" said the photographer "I'll be financially secure for life with these photos!" So, the Pope offered to buy the camera from the photographer and after much negotiation, they eventually settled on a figure of $2,000,000.

The Pope clothed himself and headed off to destroy the images on the camera. Along the vast Vatican hallways, he bumped into his personal housekeeper. Being a bit of a photography buff, she noticed the camera and said "That looks like a really expensive digital SLR camera, how much did it cost you?" Not being one to lie, the Pope replied "two million dollars".

"TWO MILLION DOLLARS!" replied the housekeeper "they must have seen you coming!...
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   Old Thread  #429 10 Oct 2012 at 11.39am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #424
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   Old Thread  #428 10 Oct 2012 at 11.38am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

The police force were having problems getting recruits so they had a recruitment drive. An englishman, scotsman and an irishman went to join. First in was the englishman and the sergeant says tommy if you can answer one question your in. Who killed John F Kennedy. The englishman says Lee Harvey Oswald. Sergeant says your in go through to the back and get your uniform. Next man in is Jock seargeant
asks him who killed JFK. The scotsman says Lee Harvey Oswald. Same thing go through to the back get your uniform. Paddy walks in and the sergeant says we are having problems recruiting for the peelers get this one question right and your in. Who killed John F Kennedy? Paddy looks quizzically and answers I don't know. The sergeant says ok go through to the back and think about it. On the way Paddy meets the englishman and scotsman dressed in police uniform. They say look Paddy we haven't been in the police five minutes and we are on traffic duty. Paddy replies by Jesus I'm not even in yet and I'm on a murder enquiry...
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   Old Thread  #427 9 Oct 2012 at 11.36am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Condoms don't necessarily guarantee safe sex anymore......a friend of mine was wearing one when he was beaten up by his birds husband.
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   Old Thread  #426 8 Oct 2012 at 9.22pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Sori guys
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   Old Thread  #425 8 Oct 2012 at 8.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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seriously?!?
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   Old Thread  #424 8 Oct 2012 at 7.08pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
When I was a contestant on countdown,

Rachel Riley asked me to pick my numbers.

"Two large and four small please."She said.

"They are, 25,75,6,9,3,8. And the target is 476.

After sitting blankly staring for the 30 seconds.I was asked.

Jamie,what have you got?"

"A hardon." I replied.

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   Old Thread  #423 8 Oct 2012 at 7.06pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Post 419 has been suppressed because of a offensive/sensitive nature
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   Old Thread  #422 8 Oct 2012 at 6.18pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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84Biglad
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   Old Thread  #421 8 Oct 2012 at 6.08pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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lol!!!
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   Old Thread  #420 8 Oct 2012 at 4.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy & Murphy driving down the road when Paddy say's to Murphy" Stick your head out of the window & tell me if my indicator's working?!
"Murphy sticks his head out & shouts "Yes,no,yes,no,yes,no,yes,no......"
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   Old Thread  #419 8 Oct 2012 at 3.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Message Suppressed by Forum Moderator.
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   Old Thread  #418 6 Oct 2012 at 7.44pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What do we want ???
Action on Jimmy Saville's sex crimes
When do we want it ??
Now then Now then
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   Old Thread  #417 6 Oct 2012 at 5.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
This sexy girl came up to me in a club last night and said, "Why the f**k have you been staring at me for ages with your tongue sticking out?""I was undressing you in my mind," I said, "but I was struggling to take your bra off."
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