CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
lincs-carper is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of lincs-carper (Steve)
lincs-carper
Posts: 668
   Old Thread  #537 8 Nov 2012 at 9.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #536
My missus says she wants 5grand. I asks what for?
I want bigger boobs she says.
You don't need 5grand love, all you need is a piece of toilet roll,
Rub it between your boobs I say.
Really will it work?
Course it will, look what its done for your arse.
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3442
   Old Thread  #536 8 Nov 2012 at 7.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Jimmy Savile spots Whitney Houston in Hell."Now then now then Whitney, what are you doing down here?""Something i shouldn't" she said "Too much pure crack in my dressing room.""That's exactly the reason I'm here." he replied.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #535 8 Nov 2012 at 4.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
John Terry has criticised the chelsea fan who did monkey gestures on Wednesday.
"He added to arch his back more and make his arms longer".
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #534 8 Nov 2012 at 3.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
As my wife lay dead on the floor with the weapon next to her the detective said"do you want to tell me what happened?"l was cleaning it and it went off"i replied "its a f--king bow and arrow sir" He shouted.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #533 8 Nov 2012 at 3.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Clive Dunn's death reminds me of one of his catchphrases from Dad's Army:The Germans-they don't like it up em!
At least half of my extensive porn collection would prove this to be untrue.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #532 8 Nov 2012 at 3.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #531
hold your wish
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10049
   Old Thread  #531 8 Nov 2012 at 2.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a fairy granted me a wish today , i said "i want to live forever"
the fairy said "sorry , cant do that"
i said " ok then , i want to die when arsenal win the league"
the fairy said " you crafty sod"
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #530 7 Nov 2012 at 11.11am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #528
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #529 6 Nov 2012 at 11.45am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I absolutely love my wifes @rse.It's not sexy or anything,but everytime i see it,i know she's f--king off
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3442
   Old Thread  #528 6 Nov 2012 at 7.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I saw a teenage girl busking today. She had a great voice, and an even better pair of legs, emphasised by the short skirt she was wearing."Any requests?" She asked the watching crowd."Your thong," I replied with a wink.Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #527 4 Nov 2012 at 5.11pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Who am i ??

I was all over the tv in the 70s and 80s but i have been largely obscure for the past 25 years.
I am closely linked with music of the 60s.
I am famous for wearing tacky shiny shell suits and sh-t haircuts.
I have been in trouble with the police and despised by the whole country......
And the answer is...............................A Liverpool Fan.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #526 4 Nov 2012 at 4.14pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
have you been struggling to make ends meet just now?

Do your outgoings far exceed your income?

Is the cost of this Christmas be coming a f--king big worry?

Well now would be a good time indeed to say Jimmy Savile w@nked you off....
deanmac is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of deanmac (Dean)
deanmac
Posts: 315
   Old Thread  #525 4 Nov 2012 at 3.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #523
i thought it was funny,in fact i nicked it and stuck it on facebook some people take things too seriously it was a joke
boilieking is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of boilieking (Roy)
boilieking
Posts: 4700
   Old Thread  #524 3 Nov 2012 at 9.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #523
thats sick mate
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #523 3 Nov 2012 at 7.21am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
joke removed,due to lack of adult sense of humour,its only a joke you womble
Page: 142.333333333333 of 178  
  
   Copyright 2002-2020  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk