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   Old Thread  #519 2 Nov 2012 at 7.15am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I woke up this morning and my wife was getting ready for work.I said,"that blouse is a bit see through and it needs a f--king good ironing",she glared and said, "What blouse?"
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   Old Thread  #518 1 Nov 2012 at 10.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #512
like alot
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   Old Thread  #517 1 Nov 2012 at 8.19am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #516 1 Nov 2012 at 7.14am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Went to buy a Dracula costume for Halloween, the girl brought me a Chelsea shirt, I said I think you misheard me, I said I want to look like a Count.
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   Old Thread  #515 31 Oct 2012 at 5.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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The Mayor of New York has said that the Halloween Parade will still go ahead as planned. In fact he says he is expecting a record number of floats
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   Old Thread  #514 31 Oct 2012 at 8.08am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Mark Clattenburg reported by chelsea for "inappropriate Language" Apparently he called Torres a striker.
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   Old Thread  #513 30 Oct 2012 at 5.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Police have spoken to Freddie starrs 34 year old fiancee and she has said she has never had reason to think he was a paedophile in all their 25 years together
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   Old Thread  #512 30 Oct 2012 at 5.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
if Mark Clattenburg did indeed make a racist remark then chelsea will be left with no option but to make him captain
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   Old Thread  #511 30 Oct 2012 at 3.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I shouted up the stairs to my 10 year old daughter,

"Grab the dirty washing off my bedroom floor, make sure you get it all this time, it's not hard!"

"The sock next to your side of the bed is." she replied.
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   Old Thread  #510 30 Oct 2012 at 1.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says,"This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache"
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."


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   Old Thread  #509 29 Oct 2012 at 9.19am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I think I might have put my clocks back a bit too far. I've just seen on the news that Gary Glitter has been arrested for being a paedophile.
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   Old Thread  #508 28 Oct 2012 at 11.40am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My mate was in the pub going on about the amazing sex he had last night with his girlfriend.

''Oh,she was a real dirty bitch,wanted it every way"

I well and truely smashed her back doors in.

Unfortunately for him she overheard his boasting whilst making her way back to the table.

''Excuse me love,with a dick that small,it felt more like you were just picking the lock''.
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   Old Thread  #507 27 Oct 2012 at 6.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come".

The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"

And the Indian replies, "Ear sticky"...
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   Old Thread  #506 27 Oct 2012 at 5.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Woman finds her hubby in bed with a female midget! furious, she screams 'You promised you wouldn't cheat again!' Husband says 'Can't you see I've cut down
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   Old Thread  #505 27 Oct 2012 at 11.51am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #501
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