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   Old Thread  #547 12 Nov 2012 at 12.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #546 12 Nov 2012 at 8.31am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #545 12 Nov 2012 at 7.42am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
dp
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   Old Thread  #544 12 Nov 2012 at 7.42am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great.

Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night."

Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight."

While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move.

Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a$$hole
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   Old Thread  #543 12 Nov 2012 at 7.37am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy is in a disco, he ask's girl "How about a sh@g" She replies "i'm on my menstrual cycle". "Great" says paddy "i'm on my scooter, i'll follow u home!
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   Old Thread  #542 12 Nov 2012 at 7.33am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #541 9 Nov 2012 at 6.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #540 9 Nov 2012 at 5.14pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #539 9 Nov 2012 at 7.47am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
An 83 year old gentleman arrived in paris by plane.as he was fumbling in his bag for his passport a stern french lady asked if he had been to paris before.he admitted he had indeed previously .the lady sarcastically said then you should know to have your passport out and waiting sir.
The gentleman said i didn't have to show it last time.Impossible!!the woman said,you british have always had to show your passports to get through here.
The man responded by whispering,well when i came ashore on the beach on D day in 1944,i couldn't find any f--king french men to give it too! WEAR YOUR POPPY WITH PRIDE
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   Old Thread  #538 8 Nov 2012 at 9.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #537 8 Nov 2012 at 9.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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My missus says she wants 5grand. I asks what for?
I want bigger boobs she says.
You don't need 5grand love, all you need is a piece of toilet roll,
Rub it between your boobs I say.
Really will it work?
Course it will, look what its done for your arse.
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   Old Thread  #536 8 Nov 2012 at 7.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Jimmy Savile spots Whitney Houston in Hell."Now then now then Whitney, what are you doing down here?""Something i shouldn't" she said "Too much pure crack in my dressing room.""That's exactly the reason I'm here." he replied.
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   Old Thread  #535 8 Nov 2012 at 4.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
John Terry has criticised the chelsea fan who did monkey gestures on Wednesday.
"He added to arch his back more and make his arms longer".
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   Old Thread  #534 8 Nov 2012 at 3.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
As my wife lay dead on the floor with the weapon next to her the detective said"do you want to tell me what happened?"l was cleaning it and it went off"i replied "its a f--king bow and arrow sir" He shouted.
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   Old Thread  #533 8 Nov 2012 at 3.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Clive Dunn's death reminds me of one of his catchphrases from Dad's Army:The Germans-they don't like it up em!
At least half of my extensive porn collection would prove this to be untrue.
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