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   Old Thread  #673 7 Dec 2012 at 11.07am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
dp
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   Old Thread  #672 7 Dec 2012 at 11.07am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar waiting to catch any drunk drivers.

At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a Breath test.

The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.

The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy.
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   Old Thread  #671 7 Dec 2012 at 7.06am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Santa say's to his elf "i am getting sick of this .Its the same old sh-t every year.Running around like a c--t,in this stupid red costume,and at the end of it all l always end up with is nowt."The elf say's"Now you Know how Steven Gerrard Feels".
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   Old Thread  #670 7 Dec 2012 at 7.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #669 6 Dec 2012 at 8.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Christmas dinner is just like any other dinner to me....sitting at the table with a fat bird that doesn't gobble any more.....!!
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   Old Thread  #668 6 Dec 2012 at 6.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"So," I asked, "Are you still on for a cock up your arse later?"

My wife looked shocked, "I can't believe you just asked me that in front of the whole pub!"

"Really?" I replied. "I can't believe you thought I was talking to you. Come on Ron. Let's get out of here."
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   Old Thread  #667 6 Dec 2012 at 3.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #666 6 Dec 2012 at 2.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #665 6 Dec 2012 at 1.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't f.ck
her
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   Old Thread  #664 6 Dec 2012 at 10.08am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy asked his wife what she'd like for Christmas? She said, "I'd love a black I-Pad."

So he punched her.
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   Old Thread  #663 5 Dec 2012 at 6.41pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #662 5 Dec 2012 at 6.41pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #661 5 Dec 2012 at 6.40pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've opened a bakery recently and a lady phoned me up,wanting a cake
with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY I SUCK COCKS"written on it.l thought it was weird
but made it anyway.Mrs Cox was f--king furious when i delivered it.so
was her son,Issac
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   Old Thread  #660 5 Dec 2012 at 6.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I threw a second-hand, charity shop sweater at my wife earlier, saying

"There you go, merry Christmas."

She burst into tears and cried "You don't ****ing love me any more, do you?"

"Of course I do, look." I said.

"There's three X's on it's label, you fat bitch."
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   Old Thread  #659 5 Dec 2012 at 6.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Kate Middleton has just announced she's 4 weeks pregnant,coincidentally John Terry has been injured
for five weeks.........Hmmmm
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