CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop Fishy Forums
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #679 9 Dec 2012 at 7.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
l was getting a hand job off my new girlfriend when i asked,"how are you so good at this?"
"Years of practice," She said.
"Bit of a player in your day?" l laughed.

"no," "my dad had no arms!!"
lincs-carper is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of lincs-carper (Steve)
lincs-carper
Posts: 635
   Old Thread  #678 8 Dec 2012 at 7.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
I Was in the pub chatting to a nice lady when she says do you fancy a bit in the car, well what could I say apart from bloody hell yeah. One thing led to another when a policeman knocked on the window and says what's going on in there, well the Women went mad shouting and screaming at the copper. At which point the copper arrests me for............having an offensinve person on my weapon!!!!!!
Mr-Bean-Laden is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Mr-Bean-Laden (Andrew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 1918
   Old Thread  #677 7 Dec 2012 at 7.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Ladbrokes must be sh**ting themselves right now.

If Des O'Connor is next, I've landed a 7 paedo accumulator.
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #676 7 Dec 2012 at 12.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #674
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #675 7 Dec 2012 at 12.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy goes to a florist & says "I'd like to buy some flowers for my girlfriend."The florist says "Certainly, what is it you're after?"Paddy says "A t1t w@nk..!
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22622
   Old Thread  #674 7 Dec 2012 at 11.11am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The doctor has advised me to avoid saturated fat.

So I've stopped shagging the missus in the shower.
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #673 7 Dec 2012 at 11.07am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
dp
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #672 7 Dec 2012 at 11.07am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar waiting to catch any drunk drivers.

At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a Breath test.

The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.

The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #671 7 Dec 2012 at 7.06am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Santa say's to his elf "i am getting sick of this .Its the same old sh-t every year.Running around like a c--t,in this stupid red costume,and at the end of it all l always end up with is nowt."The elf say's"Now you Know how Steven Gerrard Feels".
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #670 7 Dec 2012 at 7.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #668
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #669 6 Dec 2012 at 8.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Christmas dinner is just like any other dinner to me....sitting at the table with a fat bird that doesn't gobble any more.....!!
Mr-Bean-Laden is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Mr-Bean-Laden (Andrew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 1918
   Old Thread  #668 6 Dec 2012 at 6.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"So," I asked, "Are you still on for a cock up your arse later?"

My wife looked shocked, "I can't believe you just asked me that in front of the whole pub!"

"Really?" I replied. "I can't believe you thought I was talking to you. Come on Ron. Let's get out of here."
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #667 6 Dec 2012 at 3.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #665
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22622
   Old Thread  #666 6 Dec 2012 at 2.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #665
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #665 6 Dec 2012 at 1.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't f.ck
her
Page: 131.666666666667 of 176  
  
   Copyright 2002-2019  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk