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   Old Thread  #707 13 Dec 2012 at 3.44pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
my missus said , youre football mad you are , you love tottenham more than you love me.

i said , i ****ing love arsenal more than i love you.
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   Old Thread  #706 13 Dec 2012 at 3.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife wanted sex so I lay on the bed, waiting.

Eventually she entered the bedroom,naked.

"Hi darling!" she said "I thought tonight we'd try something different."

"Different, how?" I asked.

"I'm thinking anal" she said

"Anal!? That's disgusting and.... unhygienic!" I cried.

"Don't worry, I've washed thoroughly. I think it will be a pleasurable experience."

"Pleasurable for you maybe. But then it's always all about you isn't it? It's always sucking your nipples then licking you to orgasm while you scream and moan."

"Well, tonight it will be anal, then nipples, then clitoris. Or we can get your mate, Dave, over again. He did anything I asked. He's an animal! And you like to watch, remember?"

"I thought I'd like to watch" I said "But turns out I don't. So, ok then"

"Good boy." she said as she lowered her backside to my face.

That'll teach me to drink and drive, I thought, as I readied my tongue. I fcuking hate being paralysed from the neck down.
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   Old Thread  #705 13 Dec 2012 at 7.07am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #702
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   Old Thread  #704 12 Dec 2012 at 6.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #703 12 Dec 2012 at 6.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #702 12 Dec 2012 at 6.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I used to be a cowboy
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   Old Thread  #701 12 Dec 2012 at 5.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Breaking News.Nurse Jacintha Sadanas has turned up safe and well .In a phone call to an Australian radio broadcaster she said "Beat that for a f--king wind up"
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   Old Thread  #700 12 Dec 2012 at 5.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Dear Deirdre,my boyfriends a right dick!He told me the best cure for constipation was anal sex.I didn't believe him but after some persuasion he talked me into it and shagged me up the ar$e really hard. He's just rung me this morning saying he wants to try it again as he's still constipated.What should i do? A.Blonde essex
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   Old Thread  #699 12 Dec 2012 at 1.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I tried having sex with my mum whilst I was drunk last night.

She pushed me off and said, "What is wrong with you?"

"I'm really sorry," I replied, as I sat on the edge of the bed, "It must be the alcohol."

"Either that or you don't fancy me anymore." she said, slapping my flaccid penis.
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   Old Thread  #698 11 Dec 2012 at 6.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #697 11 Dec 2012 at 6.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What's the difference between a practical joke and a temperature?....
Nurses can take a temperature.
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   Old Thread  #696 11 Dec 2012 at 6.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
RIP. SIR PATRICK MOORE
The man was a genius of an astronomer but even he couldn't figure out what them 3 f--king stars on man city's shirt mean.
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   Old Thread  #695 11 Dec 2012 at 6.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Its been confirmed that the coin that struck Rio Ferdinand was actually a Euro,
as Man city fans no longer have any need for them.
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   Old Thread  #694 11 Dec 2012 at 5.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #693 11 Dec 2012 at 5.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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