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   Old Thread  #747 22 Dec 2012 at 6.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #746
A couple were Christmas shopping and the shopping centre was packed.

As the wife walked through a store she was surprised to look
around and see that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so
worried, she called him on her mobile to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, he said, "Do you remember the jewellers we went into
about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace
that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you
one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that shop."
"Well, I'm in the pub next door to it."
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   Old Thread  #746 22 Dec 2012 at 12.16pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #745 22 Dec 2012 at 11.32am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
This Christmas shopping is a load of w@nk.

I went to boots....and they don't sell boots....

I went to Selfridge and they don't sell fridges....

went to Curry's.....not a curry in site!

So I tried Virgin Megastore and what a fcuking disappointment that was....

It had closed down in 2007
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   Old Thread  #744 22 Dec 2012 at 11.30am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #743 21 Dec 2012 at 8.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My gold plated butt-plug business is being sued by Apple.
Apparently they have a patent on overpriced crap for A***holes.
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   Old Thread  #742 21 Dec 2012 at 6.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Fred Talbot is forecasting some unpleasant showers.

Mainly the ones in prison
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   Old Thread  #741 21 Dec 2012 at 6.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife was dressing for work and said..."How come your cock doesn't get as hard it used to?"

as she tucked her tits into her knickers!
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   Old Thread  #740 21 Dec 2012 at 10.51am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Went to the doctors yesterday suffering from premature ejaculation. Doctor said, "This must be very stressful for your wife." I said,

"To be honest it's getting on her tits."
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   Old Thread  #739 20 Dec 2012 at 6.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Pmsl
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   Old Thread  #738 20 Dec 2012 at 11.01am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I ran my hands over her breasts, untied her legs, spread them and lifted them in the air to reveal her waiting juicy hole, I pushed in as much as I could until she could take no more.....

































Right that's the turkey stuffed now to peel the potatoes....
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   Old Thread  #737 20 Dec 2012 at 10.19am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was in town shopping today and stopped a woman in the street.

"Excuse me love, have you any idea where I can get a decent jumper?"

"Have you tried Fat Face?" she replied.

"Good idea," I said.

"Do you know anywhere?" I said, turning to my wife.
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   Old Thread  #736 20 Dec 2012 at 9.26am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #735 19 Dec 2012 at 9.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #734 19 Dec 2012 at 7.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The missus packed my bags and kicked me out last week.
As I walked down the garden path she shouted "I hope you live a miserable life and die a slow painful death you ****!"
"Make your bloody mind up, do you want me to go or not?"
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   Old Thread  #733 19 Dec 2012 at 6.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"Why do men always fall asleep after they cum?", asked my wife.

"I don't know", I replied, struggling to open my eyes.

"Well, get off the toilet, I need a sh1t."
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