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   Old Thread  #819 3 Jan 2013 at 7.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to.get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),

MUST NOT BEAT ME,

MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,

AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!

ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

...

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
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   Old Thread  #818 3 Jan 2013 at 7.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #817


Anyway..... Back on track..

Chelsea fans wanting to save money on a Demba Ba replica shirt?

Just cut off the word 'DROG' from the one you wore last season.
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   Old Thread  #816 3 Jan 2013 at 5.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #815
writting pakistani is one thing writting paki is another thing ,so lets kill the story here and write a funny joke.
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   Old Thread  #815 3 Jan 2013 at 2.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #814
Chill out,you don't have to be Pakistani to be a c--t,this is a joke tread and as for your post before that,you lost me there .be happy

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   Old Thread  #814 3 Jan 2013 at 12.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #788
saying paki **** is not nice is it
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   Old Thread  #813 3 Jan 2013 at 10.30am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #787
must have used all ur hair for embroidery
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   Old Thread  #812 2 Jan 2013 at 4.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife wasn't too happy when I told her I wanted a full-sized tattoo of Megan Fox's face.

"I won't lie and tell you I like the idea." She said.

"And where would you like that?"

"Well if I'm honest," I told her..

"Somewhere between your hairline and your chin."
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   Old Thread  #811 1 Jan 2013 at 8.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #808
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   Old Thread  #810 1 Jan 2013 at 7.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

"No," I said.

She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said.

She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?"

"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."
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   Old Thread  #809 1 Jan 2013 at 6.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Cop pulls over a car for driving too slow.

Cop walks up to the car & sees an elderly woman behind the wheel.

Cop: Excuse me mam, can you tell me why you were driving so slow on the highway?

Driver: Officer, I was only going the speed limit. There was a sign back a half mile that said the it was 14mph.

Cop: Mam, the speed limit is 55mph, the sign you saw was for this road, Highway 14.

Driver: Oh my, that makes a lot of sense now. I apologize & I'll make sure I look closer at the signs.

The cop then looks around the car & notices that all of the passengers look like they've seen a ghost.

Cop: Is everyone alright?

Driver: Oh yes. They'll be fine. They always have that look on their face after I drive on highway 151
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   Old Thread  #808 1 Jan 2013 at 8.12am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Last. Nite I had a w**k just before 12 so it felt like the whole country was behinds counting down a cheering me on!
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   Old Thread  #807 31 Dec 2012 at 9.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #806
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   Old Thread  #806 31 Dec 2012 at 8.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I got 3 young kids and work all year to make sure they get what they want christmas morning, only for that fat **** with the beard to get all the credit.....my fault really for marrying her
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   Old Thread  #805 31 Dec 2012 at 3.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #798
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   Old Thread  #804 31 Dec 2012 at 2.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #802
Happy new year to you all. I am contacting you now as I suffer from premature congratulations.
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