CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop Fishy Forums
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #841 9 Jan 2013 at 7.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A guy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl answered with a loud voice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy, and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him,

"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy responded with a loud voice, "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!"

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock, and the guy whispered in her ear,

"I study law, and I know how to make someone feel guilty
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #840 9 Jan 2013 at 7.18pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it.

One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is."

She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties.

After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess.

"Blue."

"Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear.

"Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out.

When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear.

His dad exclaims: "That mother fcuker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!
ricketyrig is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ricketyrig (Colin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ricketyrig
Posts: 418
   Old Thread  #839 9 Jan 2013 at 6.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #838
2 parrots sitting on a perch one says to the other can you smell fish?
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22622
   Old Thread  #838 9 Jan 2013 at 6.16pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I saw David and Victoria Beckham at a party last night.

I walked over to David and said, "I never knew that you were blind."

"I'm not." he replied.

I said, "So what's with the white stick?"
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3441
   Old Thread  #837 9 Jan 2013 at 3.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #836
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #836 9 Jan 2013 at 1.40pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Little Johnny is sitting in his kindergarten class when the teacher asks the following question: "There are three birds sitting on a fence, and a hunter shoots one of the birds. How many are left?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "There are zero birds left. One was shot, and the other two flew away when they heard the sound of the gunshot;" to which the teacher replies "No, Johnny, the answer is actually two, but I like the way you think." So then Johnny asks if he can pose a question to the teacher. She agrees to answer Johnny's question.

Johnny says, "There are three women sitting on a park bench, eating popsicles. The first woman is just looking at the popsicle, not really paying it any mind. The second woman is biting the popsicle, taking off large chunks at a time. The third woman is slowly sucking on the popsicle, moving it in and out of her mouth, slowly and rhythmically. Which woman is married?"

The teacher blushes and says "Well, if I have to guess, I suppose it would be the third woman."

Johnny says, "Actually, it's the woman with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3441
   Old Thread  #835 9 Jan 2013 at 1.04pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
For the women who have heavy periods, there's bodyform.

For men who have to put up with them, there's chloroform.
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3441
   Old Thread  #834 8 Jan 2013 at 8.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
When my mate and I walked into an 'anything goes' club in Amsterdam, we couldn't believe our eyes:

I said, "I'm so f**king horny, I feel like a dog with two dicks."

"Yeah, me too" he smiled.

"F**k off" I said, "It'll look weird if we ask for the same thing."
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22622
   Old Thread  #833 8 Jan 2013 at 5.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Real men don't wear pink.

They eat it.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22622
   Old Thread  #832 8 Jan 2013 at 5.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I don't care if my wife spits or swallows.

As far as I'm concerned, she earned that cum and she can do whatever she wants with it.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #831 8 Jan 2013 at 9.57am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've been using the same gag to get woman into bed for over five years now.
I should get a new one really,this one's got blood on it.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #830 8 Jan 2013 at 9.55am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've just heard that the man who had the recent hand transplant has been caught shoplifting in Tesco,turns out the donor was a scouser
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #829 8 Jan 2013 at 9.51am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was on my way home and see me dwarf neighbour waiting at the bus stop so I stopped and said jump in.
He said he';d sooner walk.So i done me zip back up on my back pac and carried on walking.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22622
   Old Thread  #828 6 Jan 2013 at 12.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
1 inch - are you taking the piss?

2 inch - I can't even hold it properly

3 inch - never been so unsatisfied in my life

4 inch - I've had bigger

5 inch - good, but not enough

6 inch - about right

8 inch - perfect

10 inch - it's hurting my insides

12 inch - I'm absolutely destroyed

How do you rate your pizza?
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22622
   Old Thread  #827 6 Jan 2013 at 10.59am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but only one can get into the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. The Queen promptly pulls out a douche bottle and starts cleaning her vagina.

St. Peter then asks Dolly why she thinks she is worthy of entering heaven. In response, Dolly flashes her boobs.

He then proceeds to open the gates, letting Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly. When Dolly asks St. Peter why the Queen was let through and not her, Peter replies, "A royal flush beats a wild pair."
Page: 121 of 176  
  
   Copyright 2002-2019  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk