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   Old Thread  #835 9 Jan 2013 at 1.04pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
For the women who have heavy periods, there's bodyform.

For men who have to put up with them, there's chloroform.
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   Old Thread  #834 8 Jan 2013 at 8.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
When my mate and I walked into an 'anything goes' club in Amsterdam, we couldn't believe our eyes:

I said, "I'm so f**king horny, I feel like a dog with two dicks."

"Yeah, me too" he smiled.

"F**k off" I said, "It'll look weird if we ask for the same thing."
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   Old Thread  #833 8 Jan 2013 at 5.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Real men don't wear pink.

They eat it.
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   Old Thread  #832 8 Jan 2013 at 5.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I don't care if my wife spits or swallows.

As far as I'm concerned, she earned that cum and she can do whatever she wants with it.
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   Old Thread  #831 8 Jan 2013 at 9.57am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've been using the same gag to get woman into bed for over five years now.
I should get a new one really,this one's got blood on it.
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   Old Thread  #830 8 Jan 2013 at 9.55am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've just heard that the man who had the recent hand transplant has been caught shoplifting in Tesco,turns out the donor was a scouser
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   Old Thread  #829 8 Jan 2013 at 9.51am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was on my way home and see me dwarf neighbour waiting at the bus stop so I stopped and said jump in.
He said he';d sooner walk.So i done me zip back up on my back pac and carried on walking.
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   Old Thread  #828 6 Jan 2013 at 12.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
1 inch - are you taking the piss?

2 inch - I can't even hold it properly

3 inch - never been so unsatisfied in my life

4 inch - I've had bigger

5 inch - good, but not enough

6 inch - about right

8 inch - perfect

10 inch - it's hurting my insides

12 inch - I'm absolutely destroyed

How do you rate your pizza?
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   Old Thread  #827 6 Jan 2013 at 10.59am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but only one can get into the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. The Queen promptly pulls out a douche bottle and starts cleaning her vagina.

St. Peter then asks Dolly why she thinks she is worthy of entering heaven. In response, Dolly flashes her boobs.

He then proceeds to open the gates, letting Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly. When Dolly asks St. Peter why the Queen was let through and not her, Peter replies, "A royal flush beats a wild pair."
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   Old Thread  #826 6 Jan 2013 at 9.27am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #824
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   Old Thread  #825 6 Jan 2013 at 8.46am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My mate just said, "What's your favorite mythical creature?"

I said, "Those happy women in tampax adverts."
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   Old Thread  #824 6 Jan 2013 at 8.45am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
People tell me I don't understand anal sex.

It's not my fault, I just haven't found a woman with a vagina big enough for my arse to fit into yet
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   Old Thread  #823 5 Jan 2013 at 9.57am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #822
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   Old Thread  #822 5 Jan 2013 at 8.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
'Phone rings, woman answers.

Pervert with heavy breathing says, 'I bet you have a tight arse, with no hair.'

Woman replies 'Yes, he's watching the football. Who shall I say is calling?'
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   Old Thread  #821 4 Jan 2013 at 9.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #818
And any Newcastle fans a bit peed off they are losing their idol, apparently the club have an offer on for only 3 you can have the letters "stard" added on to your existing shirt.
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