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   Old Thread  #909 18 Jan 2013 at 12.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Tesco's are bringing out a new range of beef burgers called Fernando Torres............100% Pony.
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   Old Thread  #908 18 Jan 2013 at 12.04pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
If you thought Tesco's burger scandal was bad,it has emerged that Iceland have been selling Quarter Panda's.
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   Old Thread  #907 18 Jan 2013 at 12.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I made a curry the other night and sat down to eat it.On the telly there was a advert for Oxfam.They showed a starving poor family covered with flies and dying.With a lump in my throat and tears streaming down my face l thought,"f--K me this curry's hot!"
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   Old Thread  #906 18 Jan 2013 at 10.51am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.

Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!

Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?

Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
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   Old Thread  #905 18 Jan 2013 at 10.13am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #904 18 Jan 2013 at 10.08am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I'm not sure what to do." says the Devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go."

"I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves!"

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agrees. The Devil opened the first room. In it was Nancy Peloisi and a large pool of hot water. she kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was her fate in hell.

"No!' said Obama. 'I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer!" The Devil led him to the next room. In it was George bush with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I had to do was break rocks all day."

The Devil opened the third door. In it, Obama saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally says, "Yeah, I can handle this." The Devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to Go!"
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   Old Thread  #903 17 Jan 2013 at 11.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Now Tesco are taking veggie burgers off the shelves as well. Supposedly they've discovered traces of UniQuorn!
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   Old Thread  #902 17 Jan 2013 at 10.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Horse meat found in Tesco burgers,camel toe found in Primark leggings.
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   Old Thread  #901 17 Jan 2013 at 10.56am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
All these protests going on in India over the gang rape death.Who's manning the phones?
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   Old Thread  #900 16 Jan 2013 at 9.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My friend ended up in hospital after eating burgers containing horse meat from Tesco. He's in a stable condition but he still has the trots.
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   Old Thread  #899 16 Jan 2013 at 8.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Just seen Black Hawk Down in 3D. It was brilliant.
Who needs HMV or Blockbusters when you live in Vauxhall
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   Old Thread  #898 16 Jan 2013 at 7.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Kids today don't know how lucky they are, they can access porn with one single click of the mouse on a PC to fulfill their personal masturbation needs.

When I was a kid, I had to make do with typing '58008' in the calculator to get my kicks!
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   Old Thread  #897 16 Jan 2013 at 7.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was in the cafe in Tesco ordering my food and the waitress asked if I wanted anything on my burger. So I had a fiver each way
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   Old Thread  #896 16 Jan 2013 at 6.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #895 16 Jan 2013 at 1.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The CIA, the FBI, and the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming, "Okay, okay! I'm a RABBIT!! I'm a RABBIT!!
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