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   Old Thread  #2477 2 Aug 2016 at 8.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
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   Old Thread  #2476 19 Jul 2016 at 7.49am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2
A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it at dinner.

'Son, where were you today?'

Son says 'at school dad.'

Robot slaps the son!

'Ok, I watched a dvd at my mates!'

'What dvd?'

'Toy story.'

Robot slaps the son again!

'Ok, it was a porno' cries the son.

'What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was' says the dad.

Robot slaps the dad!

Mum laughs 'HaHaHa! He's certainly your son.'

Robot slaps the mum!
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   Old Thread  #2475 8 Jul 2016 at 5.12pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
My missus left me because of my obsession with the footy , bitch , we'd been together ten seasons
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   Old Thread  #2474 8 Jul 2016 at 7.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2473
Paddy opens Micks fridge and asks him why he keeps a empty bottle of milk in their.
In case somebody wants a black coffe you thick **** was his reply
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   Old Thread  #2473 5 Jul 2016 at 7.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2472
I met our postman at the gate the other day, I don't know what surprised him more, the fact that I was naked or the fact that I knew where he lived
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   Old Thread  #2472 2 Jul 2016 at 4.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Went for my routine check-up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my backside! Do you think I should change dentists?
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   Old Thread  #2471 30 Jun 2016 at 2.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2470
There's an Englishman , Irishman ,Scotsman and normally a Welshman but he's still in France
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   Old Thread  #2470 24 Jun 2016 at 3.40pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2469
Word has it that the Welsh have found another use for their sheep. .....it's called wool.
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   Old Thread  #2469 5 Jun 2016 at 9.45am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2466
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   Old Thread  #2468 4 Jun 2016 at 11.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Barbara was lying in bed one night. Fred was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me...

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck..."

Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Barb asked..

"To get my teeth!"
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   Old Thread  #2467 1 Jun 2016 at 11.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2466
boom boom ......boom boom boom boom boom boom boom
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   Old Thread  #2466 1 Jun 2016 at 4.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A blokes fat wife walks into the kitchen and says , didn't you just hear me fall down the stairs ?
He says , sorry love , I thought you were watching the start of east Enders
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   Old Thread  #2465 1 Jun 2016 at 11.49am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
2 girls at the cinema watching a film.......after a while one girl turns to the other and says ere the bloke next to me is playing wiv imself..........oh just ignore him..........I can't he's using my hand.
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   Old Thread  #2464 1 Jun 2016 at 11.41am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A daughter asked her mother, "how do you spell 'scrotum'?" mum replied, " you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.
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   Old Thread  #2463 1 Jun 2016 at 11.38am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion.”
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