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   Old Thread  #1069 9 Feb 2013 at 9.11pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I got woken up in the early hours as my son got in from a night out, giggling and stumbling up the stairs before the inevitable groans and banging headboard of a good old drunken shag. 'That's my boy.' I whispered to myself and nodded back off to sleep, proud as proud can be!

I waited for the all clear in the morning then collared him.

"Had a good time last night?", I asked.

"Yeah, thanks for asking.", he replied sheepishly.

"Listen son," I said, "I was your age once, going round town nailing everything in sight but I was always careful and you should do the same. You did wear a condom didn't you?"

"Don't worry dad," he replied, "we both did!"
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   Old Thread  #1068 9 Feb 2013 at 7.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1045
Im crying!
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   Old Thread  #1067 9 Feb 2013 at 3.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1066 9 Feb 2013 at 12.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was playing rock, paper, scissors with the girlfriend earlier.

When it was time to show, I started to gesture my finger in and out of my mouth.

"What is that supposed to be?" she said, "That's not rock, paper or scissors."

"I know, it's a blowjob." I said, "Nothing beats a blowjob."
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   Old Thread  #1065 9 Feb 2013 at 8.32am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Never mind horses in lasagne,

I think I've found Heather Mills missing leg in my Linda McCartney sausages.
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   Old Thread  #1064 8 Feb 2013 at 8.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Man walks into WH Smith and says "Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?" Girl says "I donít think itís in yet"He replies "Yeah, thatís the one!!!"
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   Old Thread  #1063 8 Feb 2013 at 8.06pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The police came to my front door last night, holding a picture of my Wife. They said "Is this your Wife Sir?" Shocked, I answered "Yes!". They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident". I said "I know but she has a lovely personality!"
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   Old Thread  #1062 8 Feb 2013 at 10.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1061 8 Feb 2013 at 10.40am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A girl with a fantastic figure started talking to me at a bar.

"Are you a student?" she asked me.

I said, "Yes,"

"That's great," she added. "What are you studying at the moment?"

"Your tits." I replied.
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   Old Thread  #1060 8 Feb 2013 at 10.39am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Viagra has been great for my sex life...

But my frequent need to urinate has stained my bathroom ceiling tiles piss yellow.
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   Old Thread  #1059 8 Feb 2013 at 10.38am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My doctor has told me I have to stop eating Findus frozen meals.

I have to reduce my Shergar intake.
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   Old Thread  #1058 8 Feb 2013 at 8.57am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1057
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   Old Thread  #1057 8 Feb 2013 at 8.07am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
After my wife fainted, the nurse asked, "Is she afraid of needles?"

"No, it was because you told her she wouldn't be able to eat for 24 hours after it
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   Old Thread  #1056 8 Feb 2013 at 7.11am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The government has passed a new bill in parliament.Now Gay men looking for a partner are entitled to more money.Its called the "Knobseekers Allowance". .
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   Old Thread  #1055 7 Feb 2013 at 9.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My doctor told me I was extremely sick today.

I only asked him to add another finger during the prostate examination
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