CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop Fishy Forums
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
carpy09 has used site within the last 5 mins
View the profile of carpy09 (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
carpy09
Posts: 11540
   Old Thread  #1075 10 Feb 2013 at 11.31am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1072
carpy09 has used site within the last 5 mins
View the profile of carpy09 (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
carpy09
Posts: 11540
   Old Thread  #1074 10 Feb 2013 at 11.30am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1073
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22617
   Old Thread  #1073 10 Feb 2013 at 11.25am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
One morning, a Hell's Angel goes into a coffee bar and orders a large cappuccino. As he is about to leave, he asks the waitress for his bill.

"Two pounds sixty," she says.

The Hell's Angel produces 260 penny coins, drops them on the floor and leaves.

This happens every morning for the next few days until one morning the Hell's Angel wants to pay with a fiver. Gotcha, thinks the waitress, who has been waiting for this day to get her revenge: she drops 240 pennies onto the floor.

"Your change," she says with a smug little smile.

The Hell's Angel produces a 20 pence coin and places it on the table.

"Another large cappuccino, please."
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22617
   Old Thread  #1072 10 Feb 2013 at 10.26am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
It turns out that the horse meat scandal was all a big misunderstanding.

The CEO of the meat company has since sacked his buyer, saying "I told you to research new markets for supplies, not fcuking Newmarket.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1071 9 Feb 2013 at 9.43pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My doctor has told me l have to watch what l eat,so i've booked tickets for the grand national.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1070 9 Feb 2013 at 9.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1069
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22617
   Old Thread  #1069 9 Feb 2013 at 9.11pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I got woken up in the early hours as my son got in from a night out, giggling and stumbling up the stairs before the inevitable groans and banging headboard of a good old drunken shag. 'That's my boy.' I whispered to myself and nodded back off to sleep, proud as proud can be!

I waited for the all clear in the morning then collared him.

"Had a good time last night?", I asked.

"Yeah, thanks for asking.", he replied sheepishly.

"Listen son," I said, "I was your age once, going round town nailing everything in sight but I was always careful and you should do the same. You did wear a condom didn't you?"

"Don't worry dad," he replied, "we both did!"
andywilcock is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of andywilcock (Andy)
Contact details supplied to MODs
andywilcock
Posts: 1893
   Old Thread  #1068 9 Feb 2013 at 7.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1045
Im crying!
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3440
   Old Thread  #1067 9 Feb 2013 at 3.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1066
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22617
   Old Thread  #1066 9 Feb 2013 at 12.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was playing rock, paper, scissors with the girlfriend earlier.

When it was time to show, I started to gesture my finger in and out of my mouth.

"What is that supposed to be?" she said, "That's not rock, paper or scissors."

"I know, it's a blowjob." I said, "Nothing beats a blowjob."
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3440
   Old Thread  #1065 9 Feb 2013 at 8.32am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Never mind horses in lasagne,

I think I've found Heather Mills missing leg in my Linda McCartney sausages.
steveelmes is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of steveelmes (Steve)
Contact details supplied to MODs
steveelmes
Posts: 463
   Old Thread  #1064 8 Feb 2013 at 8.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Man walks into WH Smith and says "Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?" Girl says "I donít think itís in yet"He replies "Yeah, thatís the one!!!"
steveelmes is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of steveelmes (Steve)
Contact details supplied to MODs
steveelmes
Posts: 463
   Old Thread  #1063 8 Feb 2013 at 8.06pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The police came to my front door last night, holding a picture of my Wife. They said "Is this your Wife Sir?" Shocked, I answered "Yes!". They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident". I said "I know but she has a lovely personality!"
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1062 8 Feb 2013 at 10.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1060
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22617
   Old Thread  #1061 8 Feb 2013 at 10.40am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A girl with a fantastic figure started talking to me at a bar.

"Are you a student?" she asked me.

I said, "Yes,"

"That's great," she added. "What are you studying at the moment?"

"Your tits." I replied.
Page: 105 of 176  
  
  © Copyright 2002-2019  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk