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I'm not saying my wife is easy to please but when I put my hand in her knickers to finger her, it's like feeding a sugar lump to a horse.
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The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only £10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
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Lesbian seeks similar for relationship. Must like fish fingers and eating out.
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"If you'd had a tin of shoe polish, you could have blackened her up and got away with it," I said to Oscar Pistorius, laughing.
Then I realised that was in bad taste. Why would he have a tin of shoe polish?
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In reply to Post #1227
a government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor!!!!!
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In reply to Post #1224
 
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So the popes ring will be destroyed later tonight.
Well they say what goes around comes around.
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Was enjoying a pizza with my girlfriend the other night when she suddenly announced she loved it up the arse. Good job i'd already eaten half of it....
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Walking down the street the other night, I witnessed 5 guys jump out of an alleyway and beat up a woman. Once they ran off, I ran over to the victim who was covered in blood and asked her what I should do
"Are you having a fukcing laugh" she screamed
"Sorry" I said "It's just, I've never witnessed anything like this before and I have no idea what to do"
Anyway, the next day I discovered that the poor woman had died of her injuries and I was kicked out of the police force!
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In reply to Post #1221
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In a lesbian relationship, who makes the sandwiches?
Neither, they both eat out.
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Just finished a book called "Dying For A Piss".
It's about how Valentine's Day gets celebrated in the Pistorius house.
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In reply to Post #1218
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In reply to Post #1218
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I was fingering a fat bird when she said "use 4 fingers, that is why they call me Kit Kat".
So I replied "I thought it was because you're Chunky"
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NON Carp stuff