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   Old Thread  #1179 24 Feb 2013 at 7.46am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"What do we get from the hen?" asks the teacher.

"Eggs," says Little Susie.

"Good. And what do we get from the sheep?"

"Wool," says Little Susie.

"Good. And what do we get from the cow?"

"Fcuking homework," says Little Johnny.
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   Old Thread  #1178 24 Feb 2013 at 6.27am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Katie Price is at the clinic having her new pregnancy checked out.

"And if we scan here, we can see the babys head!" beams the nurse

"Thats great!" says Price

All of a sudden the nurse looks concerned.

"Whats up?" says Price

"It appears theres something else in your womb, something much larger in the background!"

"Oh don't worry about that, thats Bob the Paparazzi photographer, he's doing some pictures for Hello! magazine."
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   Old Thread  #1177 23 Feb 2013 at 7.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
At a job interview.

"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a **** what you think."
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   Old Thread  #1176 23 Feb 2013 at 12.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1172
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   Old Thread  #1175 23 Feb 2013 at 10.24am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1165
nearly wet myself laughing at that one
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   Old Thread  #1174 23 Feb 2013 at 9.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...

o O

...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?", "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)

O o

I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your @rsehole before prison, ..."
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   Old Thread  #1173 23 Feb 2013 at 8.43am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1171
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   Old Thread  #1172 22 Feb 2013 at 10.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A copper pulls up alongside a 13 year old girl spewing and spitting in coronation street, 'Have you been drinking young lady?' he askes her, to which she replied,

'Yes, i've just had a pint of webster's!'
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   Old Thread  #1171 22 Feb 2013 at 10.22pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills candy. Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jills real name is randy.
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   Old Thread  #1170 22 Feb 2013 at 9.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1169
There once was a man from Brighton,
who said to his girl, "You're a tight one."
She said, "Pardon my soul,
But you're in the wrong hole.
There's plenty of room in the right one."
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   Old Thread  #1169 22 Feb 2013 at 9.41pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1168
How do you make three pounds of fat look attractive?
Put a nipple on it.
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   Old Thread  #1168 22 Feb 2013 at 9.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1167
A husband and wife are cooing over their new born baby.
"Look at the size of his todger," says the man. "It's massive!"
"Yes dear," says the woman. "But at least he's got your ears."
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   Old Thread  #1167 22 Feb 2013 at 1.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
what do spurs have that oscar pistorius doesn't?

bale
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   Old Thread  #1166 21 Feb 2013 at 6.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1165 21 Feb 2013 at 6.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1164
Paddy set Mick up with a a date and says "she's a lovely girl but there's something you should know.
She's expecting a baby."Mick shrugs his shoulders and say's "OK. I'll give it a go."
The next day Paddy sees Mick and say's "How did it go last night then?"
Mick replies "Not too good.She was half an hour late and l felt a right ***** sat at the bar wearing a nappy and
a f--king bib....
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