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   Old Thread  #1281 9 Mar 2013 at 7.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door

"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.

"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".

The boy thought for a moment...

"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bull and £50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard.
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   Old Thread  #1280 9 Mar 2013 at 11.26am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1278
thats very good!
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   Old Thread  #1279 8 Mar 2013 at 10.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife said to me, "Ian,
make me feel like I'm 15 again".

So I ate a pack of Scampi Fries and made her sniff my fingers.
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   Old Thread  #1278 8 Mar 2013 at 3.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1277
A Catholic walks into a Mosque - the Imam asks "Why the wrong faith?"
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   Old Thread  #1277 8 Mar 2013 at 5.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a horse walks into a bar,the bartender asks why the long face,the horse incapable of understanding the human language promply sh1ts on the floor and leaves..
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   Old Thread  #1276 7 Mar 2013 at 10.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife wants me to have a chat with our son because she caught him watching gay porn.

He said, "Dad, it said it was football, I didn't know."

"That's ok, son," I smiled. "Tell me this, what do you hate the most?"

He replied, "Cricket, why?"

"No reason," I said, changing my porn file name to 'Fastest Spin Bowlers'.
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   Old Thread  #1275 7 Mar 2013 at 9.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two Women were chatting in office..

Woman 1:"I had a fine evening, how was yours.. ??

Woman 2:"It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep.. How was yours.. ??

Woman 1:"Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house..It was like a fairy tale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..

Husband 1:"How was your evening.. ??

Husband 2:"Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep.
What about you ??

Husband 1:"It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the fcuking house
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   Old Thread  #1274 7 Mar 2013 at 8.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1273 7 Mar 2013 at 8.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1272 7 Mar 2013 at 8.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Little Johnny Came Down For Breakfast One Morning And Asked His Grandma.

Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”

Grandma Replied: “They’re Up In Bed”

So The Little Johnny Started To Giggle And Ate His Breakfast And Went Out To Play.

Then He Came Back In For Lunch And Asked His Grandma.

Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”

Grandma Replied: “They’re Still Up In Bed”

And The Little Johnny Started To Giggle And He Ate His Lunch And Went Out To Play.

Then The Little Johnny Came In For Dinner And Once Again He Asked His Grandma.

Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”

Grandma Replied: “They’re Still Up In Bed”

And The Little Johnny Started To Laugh And His Grandmother Asked.

Grandmother: “What Give’s? Every Time I Tell You They’re Still Up In Bed You Start To Laugh! What Is Going On Here? ”

The Little Johnny Replied: “Well Last Night Daddy Came Into My Bedroom And Asked Me For The Vaseline And I Gave Him Super Glue Instead
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   Old Thread  #1271 7 Mar 2013 at 7.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Buying a Lasagne in Britain is a lot like trying to pick out a prostitute in Thailand.

You know some of them are going to contain some unwanted meat.
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   Old Thread  #1270 7 Mar 2013 at 12.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1269 7 Mar 2013 at 10.28am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"I caught my twelve year old son looking up women's skirts today," I told the barman after my second whiskey.

"That's pretty normal for a twelve year old, isn't it?" he asked.

"Not on eBay it isn't." I said.
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   Old Thread  #1268 7 Mar 2013 at 10.21am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I'd do anything for a friend. I once sucked the snake venom out my mate's system and saved his life.

It was a bit weird that the snake bit him directly on the end of his penis.
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   Old Thread  #1267 7 Mar 2013 at 7.43am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1265
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