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   Old Thread  #1321 14 Mar 2013 at 1.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Pretty Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years.
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   Old Thread  #1320 14 Mar 2013 at 12.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1319 14 Mar 2013 at 9.12am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1318 14 Mar 2013 at 7.26am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1317 14 Mar 2013 at 7.17am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
White smoke from the Vatican, That can only meen one thing;

They've finally finished burning all the laptops and hard drives.
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   Old Thread  #1316 14 Mar 2013 at 6.08am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
One afternoon a man says to his wife, you, me and the dogs are going pig shooting. They pack the truck and head off. They get there late at night and the man says, we will head off at sunrise. The wife is tired and replies, I don't want to go in the morning. The husband is furious and replies, I will give you 3 options, you, me and the dog shoot, or you give me a blow job or we have @nal sex. The wife isn't to pleased but realizes it's one or the other. They rise early in the morning and the husband says well, what's it to be. She isn't pleased but decides to give him a blow job. As soon as she starts she stops and says, your d1ck tastes like sh1t. He replies: "Yeh, the dog didn't want to go either
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   Old Thread  #1315 13 Mar 2013 at 10.06pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?

When she flips you over, holds you down and fukcs you ..up the arse with her clitoris.
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   Old Thread  #1314 13 Mar 2013 at 8.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Brown smoke is coming from my arse.

The new Plop has arrived.
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   Old Thread  #1313 13 Mar 2013 at 7.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1312 13 Mar 2013 at 4.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Little Timmy hears his parents arguing... Mom: You b@stard! Your d1ck is too small! Dad: Oh yeah bitch? Well your c*nt is too hairy! *Never hearing these words before he asks them what they mean. Mom: Oh, well, sometimes adults call each other bitches and b@stards... and d1ck and c*nt is what we nicknamed our coats... *Satisfied with these answers he leaves. The next day was Thanksgiving. *He goes upstairs and his dad cuts himself while shaving Dad:Sh1t! Timmy: Daddy what does sh1it mean? Dad: uh... It's the brand of shaving creme I'm using... go downstairs. *Goes downstairs and his mom burns herself from the turkey Mom:Fcuk! Timmy:Mommy what does fcuk mean? Mom:um... It's the kind of stuffing I'm using *The guests arrive and determined to put his new vocabulary to use, he says... Timmy: Okay all you bitches and b@stards, you can hang your d1cks and c*nts in the closet. My dad is putting sh1t on his face and my mom is fcuking the turkey
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   Old Thread  #1311 13 Mar 2013 at 4.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1310 13 Mar 2013 at 4.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1309 13 Mar 2013 at 4.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Amsterdam's oldest prostitutes have retired after more than 50 years each in the sex trade, twins Louise and Martine Fokkens have slept with over 355,000 men between them.

A spokesman said the City of Amsterdam will erect something in their honour.
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   Old Thread  #1308 13 Mar 2013 at 3.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck.

True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the sťance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?" A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you." Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?" "It's great. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time, the grass is so green and the cows have such beautiful eyes." "What do you do all day?" asked Martha. "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m." Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?" "Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha." "Well, then, where are you?" "I'm a fcukin bull in Montana.
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   Old Thread  #1307 13 Mar 2013 at 3.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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