CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
elltell is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of elltell (Terry)
Contact details supplied to MODs
elltell
Posts: 1071
   Old Thread  #1459 31 Mar 2013 at 7.21am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two  businessmen in the centre of Lymington
were sitting down for a break  in their soon-to-be new shop...
As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with  only a few shelves set up. 
One said to the other,  "I bet any minute now some pensioner  is going to walk by, put their face to the window,  and ask what we're selling."
No  sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window,  had a peek,   and in a soft voice asked,  

"What are you selling here?" 

One  of the men replied sarcastically,  "We're selling  ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old dear said',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
 
“Must be doing well... Only the two of you left."
elltell is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of elltell (Terry)
Contact details supplied to MODs
elltell
Posts: 1071
   Old Thread  #1458 31 Mar 2013 at 7.03am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

Black beauty, now there's a dark horse!!!!!

Sad news I'm afraid, a man has recently died at a chocolate factory after a pile of boxes fell on to him.
He tried in vain to save himself, and when he called for help and shouted" the Milky Bars are on me"................. Everyone just cheered


harveyboy is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of harveyboy (Harvey)
harveyboy
Posts: 1079
   Old Thread  #1457 30 Mar 2013 at 6.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1456
carol vorderman recently fell down the stairs i believe-word has it she hit 2 from the top and 3 from the bottom
tmrCarper is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of tmrCarper (Tony)
Contact details supplied to MODs
tmrCarper
Posts: 494
   Old Thread  #1456 30 Mar 2013 at 1.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was at the swimming baths yesterday and had a sneaky piss in the deep end. The life guard noticed and blew his whistle so ****ing loud I nearly fell in...
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1455 28 Mar 2013 at 7.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1454
more like a couple of bucks
nwpiker41 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of nwpiker41 (Bob)
Contact details supplied to MODs
nwpiker41
Posts: 8093
   Old Thread  #1454 28 Mar 2013 at 5.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1453
Need some advice, just been offered 8 legs of venison for £20...is that two deer?
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #1453 28 Mar 2013 at 7.38am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1451
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1452 28 Mar 2013 at 7.25am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1451
nwpiker41 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of nwpiker41 (Bob)
Contact details supplied to MODs
nwpiker41
Posts: 8093
   Old Thread  #1451 27 Mar 2013 at 8.22pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1450
Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke this morning with a huge correction.


The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers ....... so I did.... She's 21 and her name's Lucy

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta's, his little face lit up when he tried to walk. Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.


I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders. All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'


SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #1450 27 Mar 2013 at 8.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Message Suppressed by Forum Moderator.
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #1449 27 Mar 2013 at 8.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1435
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #1448 27 Mar 2013 at 7.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1447
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1447 27 Mar 2013 at 7.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Message Suppressed by Forum Moderator.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #1446 27 Mar 2013 at 7.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
So in the space of a few days, we've gone from Rio not wanting to play in the England team, to the England team not wanting to play in Rio...
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #1445 27 Mar 2013 at 7.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Gary Neville's father has being arrested on suspicion of indecent assault.

Van Persie could have been killed,' said a furious Alex Ferguson.
Page: 81 of 178  
  
  © Copyright 2002-2020  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk