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   Old Thread  #1429 25 Mar 2013 at 6.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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2 men walk into a building.... you would have thought one of them would see it
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   Old Thread  #1428 25 Mar 2013 at 6.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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belter
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   Old Thread  #1427 25 Mar 2013 at 3.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
While taking a break from recording the new series of The Voice, Will popped round to our house for a cup of tea.

Now I don't know if it was his aftershave, but my rottweiler started to get really frisky with him. He pinned down, and was humping away. I tried dragging him away, but he wouldn't let him go till he'd finished.

Needless to say, I Am's now contains 30% more animal protein.
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   Old Thread  #1426 25 Mar 2013 at 1.44pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over
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   Old Thread  #1425 25 Mar 2013 at 8.57am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Russian President Vladimir Putin has been nominated for a Nobel prize in Medicine for his work on clinical depression.

Apparently he can predict who will commit suicide the next week in London by just picking up his phone
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   Old Thread  #1424 25 Mar 2013 at 8.56am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
It can't be easy having a close relative who is severely mentally retarded.

But Harvey Price seems to cope quite well.
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   Old Thread  #1423 25 Mar 2013 at 5.42am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1422 25 Mar 2013 at 4.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, “We’re making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off.”

Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, “Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don’t know whom to fire.”

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive.

Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, “Barbara, I’ve got a problem. You see, I’ve got to lay you or Jack off and I don’t know what to do?”

Barbara replied, “You’d better jack off. I’ve got a headache
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   Old Thread  #1421 25 Mar 2013 at 1.45am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.

Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

“Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them so special?”

“There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”

“What color are you going to wear tonight?”, she asks cheekily.

“Gold of course”, says the man proudly.

The wife responds wryly, “Why don’t you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change.
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   Old Thread  #1420 24 Mar 2013 at 7.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1419 24 Mar 2013 at 7.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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that,s funny sik
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   Old Thread  #1418 24 Mar 2013 at 7.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1417 24 Mar 2013 at 3.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The Dr put my wife on a new pill and now we have sex every night, its awesome!!! It doesn't matter what position we are in, nothing wakes her
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   Old Thread  #1416 24 Mar 2013 at 3.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1415 24 Mar 2013 at 3.43pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was watching a movie with my son last night when a sex scene came on.

"Alright Mathew, it's about time you went to bed," I said.

"But Dad, I'm 18," he protested.

"I don't care," I said. "You're not watching me w@nk
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