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   Old Thread  #1469 31 Mar 2013 at 2.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1468 31 Mar 2013 at 2.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1467 31 Mar 2013 at 1.57pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I stopped my car in a lay-by last night and had sex with a complete stranger.

As I sat there with one hand on the steering wheel, she suddenly climbed on top of me and said, "The deal is you must pull out just before ejaculating."

I agreed and a few minutes later, as I got the urge to shoot my load, I quickly pulled out.

Knocking some poor c.... off his motorbike.
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   Old Thread  #1466 31 Mar 2013 at 1.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I went up to a fit girl at a swingers party and asked if she wanted some fun.

"You're new to this aren't you" she smiled.

"What makes you think that?" I said.

"Because you're dressed as a gorilla.
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   Old Thread  #1465 31 Mar 2013 at 1.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A man stubbed his toe so badly he decided to go to the doctor.

When he arrived at the office, the nurse directed him to remove his clothes and wait in the next room.

"I just hurt my toe," complained the man. "Why do I need to take off my clothes?"

"Everyone who sees the doctor has to undress," explained the nurse politely. "It's our policy."

"Well, I think it's a stupid policy! Making me undress just to look at my toe! Geeez!"

From the next room another man's voice piped up. . . "That's fcuk all I just came here to fix the telephone!"
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   Old Thread  #1464 31 Mar 2013 at 1.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A furious pounding in a hotel room late at night awakened a number of guests.

The hotel manager was called, and he let himself into the room.

Inside, he found an elderly man cursing and banging away on the wall with both fists.

"Stop that!" the manager ordered. "You're disturbing the whole hotel."

"Damn the hotel!" the eldery man spat. "It's the first hard on I've had in years, and both my hands are asleep.
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   Old Thread  #1463 31 Mar 2013 at 1.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My mate asked what a dilemma was?
So i said,"imagine you're naked and in a big bed.
A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other.
"Who you gonna turn your back on?"
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   Old Thread  #1462 31 Mar 2013 at 1.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've just broken the world record for holding my breath under water.An incredible 8 Minutes,42 Seconds!
It all started when a girl at the swimming pool shouted "That,s him over there Daddy".
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   Old Thread  #1461 31 Mar 2013 at 1.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1460 31 Mar 2013 at 10.16am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1459 31 Mar 2013 at 7.21am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two  businessmen in the centre of Lymington
were sitting down for a break  in their soon-to-be new shop...
As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with  only a few shelves set up. 
One said to the other,  "I bet any minute now some pensioner  is going to walk by, put their face to the window,  and ask what we're selling."
No  sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window,  had a peek,   and in a soft voice asked,  

"What are you selling here?" 

One  of the men replied sarcastically,  "We're selling  ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old dear said',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 
 
“Must be doing well... Only the two of you left."
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   Old Thread  #1458 31 Mar 2013 at 7.03am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

Black beauty, now there's a dark horse!!!!!

Sad news I'm afraid, a man has recently died at a chocolate factory after a pile of boxes fell on to him.
He tried in vain to save himself, and when he called for help and shouted" the Milky Bars are on me"................. Everyone just cheered


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   Old Thread  #1457 30 Mar 2013 at 6.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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carol vorderman recently fell down the stairs i believe-word has it she hit 2 from the top and 3 from the bottom
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   Old Thread  #1456 30 Mar 2013 at 1.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was at the swimming baths yesterday and had a sneaky piss in the deep end. The life guard noticed and blew his whistle so ****ing loud I nearly fell in...
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   Old Thread  #1455 28 Mar 2013 at 7.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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more like a couple of bucks
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