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   Old Thread  #1539 14 Apr 2013 at 10.51am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1538 14 Apr 2013 at 10.23am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife and I auditioned for Britain's Got Talent

Simon said, "What is your act?"
I said, "Magic."
He said, "Okay, so what are you both going to do?"
I said, "We are going to make a child disappear into thin air."
He said, "Have you ever done this before?"
I said, "Yes, once."
He said, "Okay Gerry & Kate, good luck.
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   Old Thread  #1537 14 Apr 2013 at 10.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
School Register being read on the first day back at Birmingham Primary... Mustafa Al Eih Zeri? "Here, miss."Ahmed El Kabul? "Here, miss"Fatima Al Hayek? "Here miss"Ali Abdul Olmi? "Here, miss"Mohammed Bin Kadir? "Here, miss"Ali Son al En? no answer..Ali Son al En?? Still silence in the class. Ali Son al En? A girl stands up and says: "Sorry miss, I think that's me... It's pronounced Alison Allen..!
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   Old Thread  #1536 14 Apr 2013 at 10.14am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1535 14 Apr 2013 at 10.13am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was working in the local taxi office last night when I told my boss, "I've just heard one of the drivers sh@gging a woman in the back of his cab. He must have left the radio on by mistake."

"What's the frequency?" he asked.

"I think he's fcuked her three times.
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   Old Thread  #1534 14 Apr 2013 at 10.13am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The gossip mags are reporting Rihanna has broken up with Chris Brown after she caught him cheating with a waitress.

A source close to the couple says Rihanna knew something was up when Brown came home with another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
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   Old Thread  #1533 13 Apr 2013 at 6.57pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1532 13 Apr 2013 at 6.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A man in his 50's buys a beautiful pair of shoes on his way home from work. When he gets home he asks his wife if she notices anything different about him. She says no. At bed time he gets completely naked except for his new shoes and again asks his wife if she notices anything different about him. She says well let's see you've got the same old useless cock hanging limp as usual.

He says look at where it's "pointing". I bought new shoes!

His wife then says "you should have bought a new hat!
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   Old Thread  #1531 13 Apr 2013 at 6.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1530 13 Apr 2013 at 6.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife and I were at home watching TV.
I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
She became more and more annoyed and finally said:
“For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel!
You already know how to fish!”
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   Old Thread  #1529 13 Apr 2013 at 11.57am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Brilliant!
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   Old Thread  #1528 13 Apr 2013 at 7.29am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried wiping their arse with an iPad.
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   Old Thread  #1527 12 Apr 2013 at 9.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1526 12 Apr 2013 at 7.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Best witch joke i seen thanks to Paul.....

Maggie Thatcher has only been in hell 20 minutes and she has already shut down 3 furnaces

and 1521 also had me in stiches

Paul I am pm you my photo album
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   Old Thread  #1525 12 Apr 2013 at 7.16pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1519
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