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   Old Thread  #1509 9 Apr 2013 at 3.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.
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   Old Thread  #1508 9 Apr 2013 at 3.14pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1507 9 Apr 2013 at 3.12pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1506 9 Apr 2013 at 12.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was gutted to hear about the death of margaret thatcher....i had Nelson mandela in the sweepstake!
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   Old Thread  #1505 9 Apr 2013 at 12.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
When i realized margaret thatcher was dead,i did a double fist pump and shouted,f...... brilliant"
Everyone around me was disgusted,and looking back,i suppose it was out of order.especially as i was the first paramedic at the scene.
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   Old Thread  #1504 9 Apr 2013 at 12.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Just seen the plans for Thatchers grave.It looks good but i think they should have made the dance floor a bit bigger.
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   Old Thread  #1503 9 Apr 2013 at 12.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1502 8 Apr 2013 at 11.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=497402913640240&set=vb.449509825096216&type=2&theater

Proper funny! This guy goes absolutley mental over not being able to play guitar!
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   Old Thread  #1501 8 Apr 2013 at 6.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Is it too early to say Margaret Thatcher ...... me when i was a miner?
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   Old Thread  #1500 8 Apr 2013 at 5.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I was out last night when an ugly ****ing bird approached me. We got into into a conversation and she asked me if I had a nickname and I replied "Yes my friends call me the sledge". She said "The sledge, why do they call you that ?" "Because I always get pulled by ****ing dogs" I replied.
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   Old Thread  #1499 8 Apr 2013 at 9.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I confronted my daughter after she strolled in at 3am this morning.

"You've been to a bukkake party, haven't you!" I said.

"No, I haven't dad, I promise!" she replied contritely.

"Oh come on," I said, "It's all over your face."
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   Old Thread  #1498 7 Apr 2013 at 10.59am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A man goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.

The next day, Auntie Susie dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.

The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.

The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.

The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesnt eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.

Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. Good God, Dear,he proclaims, i have just had the worst day of my entire life

She responds, You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning.
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   Old Thread  #1497 6 Apr 2013 at 11.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1496 6 Apr 2013 at 10.06pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1495 6 Apr 2013 at 9.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Took the missus out for a romantic meal last night
and played footsie under the table while we were
eating.I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the
hole.
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