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   Old Thread  #1579 19 Apr 2013 at 8.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Any chances of me giving my girlfriend scat sex tonight have just gone down the ****ter.
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   Old Thread  #1578 19 Apr 2013 at 12.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1577 19 Apr 2013 at 10.46am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was at the beach with my young son when a beautiful, buxom brunette in a bikini walked by.

"Wow- look at her!" he exclaimed

"It's not polite to point like that in public, son," I told him. "Next time use your finger."
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   Old Thread  #1576 19 Apr 2013 at 10.43am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1575 19 Apr 2013 at 7.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I walked up to a dwarf in a bar last night and said, "Do you fancy a fu*k?"
"No thanks," she replied, "You're a weirdo."

"I'm the ****ing weirdo?" I said, "You're the one who has been staring at my boll*cks for the last 20 minutes."
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   Old Thread  #1574 17 Apr 2013 at 7.57pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Why have they pixelated one of the mourners faces at Thatcher's funeral,is he SAS or undercover security?.........no,wait,its just Simon Weston.
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   Old Thread  #1573 17 Apr 2013 at 6.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1572 17 Apr 2013 at 6.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife wanted sex so I lay on the bed, waiting.
Eventually she entered the bedroom,naked.
"Hi darling!" she said "I thought tonight we'd try something different."
"Different, how?" I asked.
"I'm thinking @nal" she said
"An@l!? That's disgusting and.... unhygienic!" I cried.
"Don't worry, I've washed thoroughly. I think it will be a pleasurable experience."
"Pleasurable for you maybe. But then it's always all about you isn't it? It's always sucking your n1pples then licking you to orgasm while you scream and moan."
"Well, tonight it will be @nal, then nipples, then cl1toris. Or we can get your mate, Dave, over again. He did anything I asked. He's an animal! And you like to watch, remember?"
"I thought I'd like to watch" I said "But turns out I don't. So, ok then"
"Good boy." she said as she lowered her backside to my face.
That'll teach me to drink and drive, I thought, as I readied my tongue. I fcuking hate being paralysed from the neck down
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   Old Thread  #1571 17 Apr 2013 at 6.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1570 17 Apr 2013 at 6.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1569 17 Apr 2013 at 4.16pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The police asked me to identify what they thought was my girlfriends body.They pulled the sheet back to show her face."l can't be certain."l told him.The sheet went back a bit further to reveal her breasts and hard nipples "Sorry,but im still not sure."Then they took the sheet completely off and i had a good look at the body and shaved *****,"That's definitely not her,Officer""Are you sure?""Yep.My girlfriends not black.
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   Old Thread  #1568 17 Apr 2013 at 2.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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A top British scientist has invented a bra that stops tits bouncing up and down and prevents nipples from sticking out in cold weather,his colleagues have kicked his +++++++ head in!
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   Old Thread  #1567 17 Apr 2013 at 2.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Women wake up yawning and men with an erection.

Coincidence?

I think not.
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   Old Thread  #1566 17 Apr 2013 at 2.44pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1565 17 Apr 2013 at 2.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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#1556
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