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   Old Thread  #1589 22 Apr 2013 at 6.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
If my wife puts ketchup on the table it means no sex as she's on her period.

If she puts salad cream then she wants some cum in her tonight.

And if she puts mustard then she has an infection. Things have got so much easier since we started using sauce code.
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   Old Thread  #1588 22 Apr 2013 at 5.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1587 22 Apr 2013 at 11.33am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1586 22 Apr 2013 at 8.41am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1585 22 Apr 2013 at 7.17am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A Airline pilot announces during flight that the plane is going to land in 2 hours. He forgets to put off the microphone& says to the co-pilot I am going to have tea first & fcuk the air hostess for an hour. Listening to this, the hostess rushes towards cockpit to shut of the microphone but stumbles on a kids leg & falls down. The kid say U really desperate for a fcuk, aint you? Didn't you hear he's gonna have tea first!!!
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   Old Thread  #1584 22 Apr 2013 at 7.14am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fcuk him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea.
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   Old Thread  #1583 21 Apr 2013 at 6.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Good to see Suarez getting revenge for his fallen brothers and sisters in the horse-meat scandal!
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   Old Thread  #1582 21 Apr 2013 at 9.34am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The girlfriend asked me what I was doing on the computer last night. I said I was looking for cheap flights. I LOVE YOU she said, then she got all excited and unzipped my trousers and gave me the most amazing blow job ever--which is a odd because she's never shown any interest in Darts before,
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   Old Thread  #1581 21 Apr 2013 at 9.32am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1580 19 Apr 2013 at 8.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Went down the local swimming pool the other day, thought I would have a cheeky slash in the deep end. Well, the lifeguard blew his whistle that loud I nearly fell in
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   Old Thread  #1579 19 Apr 2013 at 8.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Any chances of me giving my girlfriend scat sex tonight have just gone down the ****ter.
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   Old Thread  #1578 19 Apr 2013 at 12.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1577 19 Apr 2013 at 10.46am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was at the beach with my young son when a beautiful, buxom brunette in a bikini walked by.

"Wow- look at her!" he exclaimed

"It's not polite to point like that in public, son," I told him. "Next time use your finger."
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   Old Thread  #1576 19 Apr 2013 at 10.43am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1575 19 Apr 2013 at 7.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I walked up to a dwarf in a bar last night and said, "Do you fancy a fu*k?"
"No thanks," she replied, "You're a weirdo."

"I'm the ****ing weirdo?" I said, "You're the one who has been staring at my boll*cks for the last 20 minutes."
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